Taking kids to the dentist - Part 2

Alternately titled: Why I blog and Recognizing when you need a little help - Part 2

This is part 2. If you missed Part 1, read this first.

OK, so after my call to the pediatrician, I was equipped with some names and phone numbers. Nothing should be this difficult for a child, and if it is, then it is the parent's responsibility to help the child. That's my opinion, anyway.


We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. Romans 5:3-5

I called one number and the doctor had just resigned with no notice and no forwarding information. I consider that a blessing. I called the other number and explained the anxiety around the dentist appointment and asked how would I know from who to get help and what kind of help to seek. They told me they would take care of that after an evaluation.**

Many pages of paperwork later and a few hours of interviews brought us to a behavior modification therapist, an occupational therapist, and a speech therapist. Although my children have all spoken very early and have vast vocabularies, B tends to run her words together and skips over certain letters when speaking. (It turns out, after 5 months of speech therapy, she is quite capable of speaking clearly and just a bit lazy. I don't consider it a waste of time or money and appreciated the honesty and suggestions of activities to further improve her annunciation.)

The focus of occupational therapy has been to help B adjust her sensory nervous system. Using various activities, her nervous system learns to recognize where her body is in proximity to others'. We also provide tactile input and pressure on her body so she doesn't seek that out inappropriately, and we teach her activities to calm herself down or motivate herself, and to follow directions gradually moving from specific steps one at a time to anticipating what the next step should be. These are not just done in the therapy sessions, but also incorporated into her life at home. If you have questions about this, please leave them in the comments and I will happy to share what we have learned.

The focus of behavioral modification therapy has been to teach calming techniques such as deep breathing, holding breath, tensing, or writing in order to calm down when anxious or angry. The point is to learn how to self-calm and then articulate emotions. This is easily learned by many children, but not those prone to anxiety or with sensory processing disorder.

In the midst of these therapies, the next dental cleaning approached. I anticipated this being stressful for B, yet didn't know whether to tell her about the appointment or surprise her with it. B has always been pretty well in-tune to things that help her feel comfortable, so I asked her, "You remember the last time we went to the dentist, right? You know that one of these days you will have your teeth cleaned again, right? When would you like to know about it? A couple days before, the day before, that morning, or when we get there?" She said she didn't want to know and she didn't want to go. So I didn't tell her. The day came and I sneaked around, gathering the loveys, body brush, massager, and activity books. We were about half way there when her eyes turned into saucers and she exclaimed, "No, not the dentist!" I actually thought she would try to leap from the van as I was driving, but she didn't.

Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. Philippians 4:6

We arrived at the dentist and used her brush and massager. She didn't want to be there, but didn't resist like the previous appointment. I had to carry her back to the cleaning room and they still gave her gas to calm her down and take the edge off. It worked. We made it.

Six months later brings us to a little over a month ago. B has made considerable progress using her breathing techniques, expressing herself verbally, and participating in the activities that help her. Would you believe that things like carrying laundry from one end of the house to the other and scrubbing the kitchen floor are therapeutic for her? Did I mention, helpful to me? Yeah!

So, last month I asked her the same question about when she'd want to know about her dentist appointment. She told me she'd like to know the day before. I wasn't sure that was a good idea, but decided to accommodate her. She didn't like it and asked if she had to go, could we reschedule. I assured her we weren't rescheduling and she would be fine. I reminded her of her techniques and prayed with her. I reminded her that God says, "Who of you by worrying, can add even a single hour to their life? If you can't even do that, then why worry about the rest?" I also reminded her that God takes care of the birds who aren't created in His image, but she is. Of course He will take care of her.

The day of the appointment we used the body brush before we left the house. The massager was in the bag and she carried her own loveys. All the way up there she repeated that she wasn't going in. I just told her it was OK. When the van stopped in the parking lot, she was the first one out. She walked in by herself and didn't panic in the waiting room. She walked back to the cleaning room all by herself and they didn't have to put her in a private room. She didn't need the gas. Amazing. And a real blessing. Thank you, Lord!

She has made so much progress in the last year.

Through blogging her story and bits of our lives, I hope to:

• help others learn that kids cannot always be expected to behave the same way as their same-age peers,
• help add laughter to those stressful moments, and
• let other moms of kids who have a hard time sometimes know they are not alone and there are ways to help them and ourselves.

It can be hard to ask for help, but sometimes it's the best thing to do.

** B's official diagnosis is inconclusive, although she has been diagnosed both developmentally delayed and high-functioning autism, at different times - not that she is both, but either/or. It's hard to know which it is and it's not really relevant because the therapies she receives are helpful for either one. The sensory process disorder is definitely a component either way. It's very challenging for me, but it must be even more so for her.

Taking kids to the dentist

Alternately titled: Why I blog and Recognizing when you need a little help - Part 1

I've been blogging here for a little over a year now. It started out slowly and I'm trying to blog more regularly. It's good for me and hopefully, as time goes, by, it will be good for others. Do you know why I blog?

A little over a year ago, my kids had a dental cleaning. These are things I take seriously. I'm not the best housekeeper, but I take health and hygiene very seriously. I don't know why I put such an emphasis on preventative health, but I do. But I'm not the kind of mom who runs to the doctor for any little thing. Things I don't know about, like this, yes. A low-grade fever, no. Mine have all had weak enamel and many cavities, so I think it's important to have their teeth professionally cleaned and examined. So, they had their dental cleaning and it. was. awful. Not just for me taking them, but for my middle daughter, Child B. Here's how it went:

The day before the appointment, Child A looked at the calendar. Child B had her clothes ready to get dressed. Child C was being her cheerful little self. Child A made an announcement that they all had a dentist appointment the next day. What came next took me totally by surprise. My normally sensitive yet active Child B shut down. She couldn't bring herself to get dressed. She rolled on the floor, wringing her hands, worrying about the appointment the next day. She asked if we could reschedule it. She asked if she could not go. She wondered, aloud, how she was ever going to get through it. She didn't get dressed at all that day and I don't think she ate.

The day of the appointment I was also watching the neighbor's little boy. All the kids piled into the van, loveys in arms as they always do for dentist appointments, and off we went. Half an hour to our pediatric dentist who we searched long and hard for 4 years ago after Child A's traumatic appointments with another one closer. Child B worried the whole way there. She told me she wasn't going in. A and I had an arrangement that when we got there, she would take C and the neighbor in while I helped B. B walked in just fine, but hid as soon as we walked in the lobby. After I signed the kids in, I asked if anyone needed to go to the bathroom, have a snack or a drink... Before I knew it, B had walked up to the reception desk, signed herself out and was out the door. Yes, out. the. door. Just the other side of the parking lot is a very busy set of railroad tracks. I chased after her to stop her before she reached them. I'm sure she didn't even know where she was going. Halfway across the parking lot, I wrestled her to the ground and held her tightly. She was so panicked. We made it back in the office and I had to hold on to her.

(Now, let me back up here for just a minute. B has always had a sensory disorder that causes her to not feel things the same way most of us do. For example, she seeks deep pressure on her muscles and loves to be squeezed. She can spin all day long and not get dizzy. Yes, she could pass a field sobriety test and walk a straight line after being spun to the point where most people would get vomit. In fact, I found out that 9 times in a row on the Tilt-a-whirl is my threshold, but B kept going until two more chaperons thoughts they, too, would be sick. Mosquito bites don't make her itch, but she will climb to great heights in attempt to escape her own body. So, knowing this about her, we have tools to help her. We have been using the Wilbarger Protocol Brushing Technique off and on since she was 3. It helps calm her. Now she asks for it when she's overwhelmed or over-stimulated.)

At this point, I was holding her in the lobby and got out her brush. She calmed a little bit, so I pulled out her hand-held massager that she will hold on top of her head for stimulation. We talked about how she can hold that to counteract the vibrations from the dental cleaning. It was soon time to bring her back to the cleaning room, so I went with her. A stayed with her sister and the neighbor. Once in the room, B was very uneasy so I was holding her tightly. It occurred to me, that maybe if I read to her she would calm down, so I reached for a book on the counter. Wrong. She bolted. I loosened my grip and she was gone. I chased after her, reaching her as she reached the door to the lobby. I carried her while she reached for anything that might be solid. She grabbed at mirror on the wall and it crashed down. When I got her back to the room, I was crying, she was wrestling to get away, and I sat on her to keep her there. She wiggled so much that her hair got spun around the cleaning tool. I had to keep sitting on her until she was untangled or she would have taken off with it and whatever it was connected to. The dentist decided to use nitrous oxide (with my eager permission at this point) to finish the cleaning.

When she was done, she was fine. Instant calm. The other kids did fine. I was a wreck.

I called my husband from the lobby and cried. I called the pediatrician and cried.. Why would she behave like this? What could be happening? He gave me some names and numbers to call. I cried all the way home.

I realized then that whatever road we were headed down with her, I felt very alone. I was frustrated and angry. I was tired of the judgemental looks from others who had kids who could easily be around large groups of people and not wander off or need to be in a quieter place. And then I realized that there are other moms just like me with kids just like her who feel the same way. Other parents laugh at the things their kids say and do. Other parents take it in stride. God never intended for us to do this alone. I reached out and grasped my Father who made my child in His image, and He did not make a mistake when He made her different!

It was in that moment that I accepted my daughter for who she is, realized some of her limitations, and chose to find out what to do to help her. If going to the dentist caused her that much anxiety and inability to function, then we need to find ways to teach her to get through those moments or don't put her in that situation until she can handle it. I also decided to switch to this blog, from our homeschool blog where I eluded to the dentist appointment (along with the more humorous event of her taking apart the cash register at Wal-mart), but it was too recent to think about without crying again. If there are other parents like me, with children like B, then we need not be alone. First and foremost, God will never leave us nor forsake us. Second, He is perfect and does not make mistakes; therefore, B is made within His divine plan. Third, I will blog about those crazy, stressful moments that bring me to tears and, hopefully, there will be tears of laughter, too.

That day changed our life. Really, it did. To be continued...

Come back Thursday to read about what B has accomplished in the past year, the progress she has made, and how we've made it through the next two cleanings since the one mentioned here.

Things kids say and hear: 2

Do you remember these?

Yes, those are jelly bracelets, like from the 80s.

They're ba-aa-aaccckkkk.

I don't know if it's a good thing or not. There are online rumors about symbolism, but really, on a young child they are just bracelets. In our house, we call them friendship bracelets. They are cheap, so I don't care if they get lost. If the kids want to trade them, great. I really don't mind. Normally that sort of thing drives me crazy, but not these. If they want 'em all up and down their arm, go for it. If they want to give 'em away, that's fine too. I like that the kids finally have something that I don't care if they lose or trade. It's liberating.

But I didn't realize they were international. Because, after sorting them and divvying them up and talking about all the trading and fun they'll have with their friendship bracelets, I realized that once again we either aren't speaking clearly or little ears just aren't hearing clearly.

My sweet 4-yo came up to me and told me excitedly that she hopes the neighbor girl's bracelets are French, too!

(Uhm, if you didn't get that, she thought they were French-ip bracelets! I didn't correct her. It's cute. Unless you're French. Then you're probably insulted. Sorry, I think it's cute.)

Things kids say and hear: 1

The other day, my 4yo (Child C) coughed. She coughed right into the inside of her elbow. Eagerly looking for reassurance that she did the right thing, she tapped on my arm and said "Momma, look! I coughed into my elbow!" (Um, no there was nothing to see as evidence.) With a smile and a little pat on her back I replied, "Well, that's a great place to put a cough!" Inquisitively, she pulled back a little and furrowed her eyebrows. "Putacough? I don't know what a 'putacough' is, momma!"

I think I laughed for about two minutes before I could explain to her what I had really said.

Now it's a big joke. Today she sneezed into her elbow and we repeated the whole conversation with 'putasneeze', both of us giggled incessantly for quite a few moments.

Over the weekend, we were watching a college softball game. My oldest, Child A, plays softball and takes her game pretty seriously. She was really enjoying the game. When it was over, one of the kids asked who won. Hubby replied "LSU." I guess we either have a habit of running our words together (considering the conversations above with Child C) or our kids have a hard time keeping up with what we said because the child asked, "Who is Ella Shu?"

When the kids make me laugh, it motivates me. This blog post is part of Unexpected Bliss' Motivation Monday. What motivates you?

WFMW - Gum Removal

I opened the freezer and found this inside:

Why, oh why is Child A's bible cover in the freezer?

This was truly baffling to me until I removed it.:

Does putting something with gum on it

really help remove the gum?

I mean, we saw it on The Doodlebops, but does it work?

Sure does! It just chipped right off with a butter knife.

Just be sure to leave it in long enough to freeze the gum.

A few hours should do it.

This is part of Kristen's weekly link-up, Works For Me Wednesday. To see what others are sharing or to link up your blog, head on over to We Are THAT Family.

Mother's Day

Yesterday morning, Child A had a softball game. It. was. freezing. Seriously, it was barely 40 degrees. While her team was at bat and she was on the bench, cheering on her team and waiting her turn, she jumped up, ran over to me and apologized.

She said, "I'm sorry, mommy!"
Curious about why she was apologizing, I asked her, "For what?"
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tightly. Then she looked up at me and said, "I'm sorry about your mommy."

It brought tears to my eyes and I just hugged her tightly. If you don't know me personally, you don't know that my mom passed away during the summer of 1999. Three months before Child A was conceived.

It was the sweetest Mother's Day words ever spoken.
Thank you, Child A. Thank you.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are mothers! May you enjoy today and every day with your children. For it is because of them that we are mothers!

Spring is in the air!

9-year old Child A was sitting at her desk, looking out the window when she saw 2 birds. They were flying in circles. One would land. The other would land on top of the other bird. Then back to flying in circles and it would all repeat. She was laughing and watching them play, but curious about what they were doing because it seemed to purposeful.

I simply told her that maybe they were getting ready to lay eggs. She looked at me, then back at the birds. Her eyes opened wide and she smiled. Then, knowledgeably, she said:

"Oh! One is trying to help the other push the eggs out. Scientifically speaking."

Or something like that. {wink, grin}