The year of slow blogging

It's been hard for me to blog this year. No specific reason, but a lot of various reasons. This year has brought on some serious and deep thought for me and not all of it has been things that I want to share. More recently there have been a couple things that I really do want to write about. Some of the things I hope to share with you soon (not necessarily in that order):

• a HUGE development in my middle daughter, the one with Sensory Processing Disorder and likely on the autism spectrum


• baby powder


• nail polish


• a mysterious name on the wall

If you are friends with me on Facebook and can keep track of things since Facebook made their recent formatting changes, you may already know about the baby powder. That's OK. There will be some redundancy over the next several blog posts because I will be recapping all my Facebook posts for my aunt. (Hi, Aunt Charla!) This blog is one of the ways that she keeps up with the family, and since phone time is often challenging with our schedules and the kids, I'm going to re-post everything in chronological order. In my Facebook versus Blogging series, blogging will eventually win. I'm getting tired of feeling sucked in to Facebook and not really having anything productive come away from that time.

So, what have I been thinking so seriously about this year? In a nutshell, here goes...

January 19, 1997, was the day my mom was diagnosed with cancer. The date is etched in my mind and in my heart. She fought that battle for two-and-a-half years. I spent so much of my youth being angry with her for one reason or another that I struggle to find the good memories. I have some and am thankful for those.

My youngest daughter was due to be born on January 21, 2006, but made her appearance mid-day on January 19. Praise God for bringing me joy on that day! This year, January 19, 2011, the most dear, sweet, humble, and faithful woman I have ever known met her Maker and Savior face to face. There is deep sadness in that joy and I still can't write about it without crying. Every day that I think about her, I feel like I didn't know her well enough, didn't learn enough from her, and I wish I had.

We finished the best year of homeschooling yet... Last "school year" was the easiest and met with the least resistance. All the kids were mostly enthusiastic and we started summer with a plan to keep going with some things through the summer. The warm weather came and stayed and the pool beckoned us. We went. We had fun. We love summer. We didn't keep up with our plans, though. September arrived with a struggle to get started again. The hardest year before was when I had one in third-grade, one in kindergarten, and a toddler.

This year is sixth, third, and kindergarten. Let's just say I don't enjoy kindergarten or third-grade at all. I don't know why, but those years bring difficulty to me. Teaching a child to read is very hard for me. I want to just pour the information in, but that isn't how learning to read happens. A child with a short attention span and little patience doesn't make it any easier. She memorizes books the first, second, maybe third (if I'm lucky) time she sits through them, so then she's not really "reading" them - she doesn't even look at the words. Third grade brings new attitude to the table. Since this is my daughter who thinks the world is set up to make her miserable, anything I make her do that she doesn't want to do must be because I hate her. Really? At 8-years old she is starting with this attitude? Some days seem much longer than others. Now we are three months into our school year and are switching things up a bit and making some changes by combining history and literature. One of the great things about homeschooling is that if something isn't working well for any one of us, we can make those changes.

Couple these things with my scrapbooking group dissolving and my knitting group (which I joined to replace the scrapbooking night out) having various interruptions (not meeting for several weeks, or even months, at a time) and it makes for a very stressed and tired me! So, what's best for fighting stress and exhaustion? More activity, right? A neighbor and I started walking early in the mornings before the families wake up. It's been very helpful, even considering that I am a night owl and am hatching into an early bird instead. The one-hour, three-miles a day walk has been good for me, but I'd still like a relaxing evening out with a group of other moms.

A couple months ago an old acquaintance from high school committed suicide. How's that for transition from one paragraph to the next? The thing is, that's how suicide affects a person. It's sudden and there is little preparation for those who go on living. There's a bigger story here and I don't know whether or not share it on my blog. No, I don't know the details of his death and what led up to it. I just know my thoughts on it. I want to be sensitive to those who read my blog who also knew him; yet, I think it's a topic that needs to be put out there. I have a few neighbors who have had suicidal tendencies affect their lives recently. (I won't blog about them.) Obviously, though, this has been on my mind. I'm pretty sure I think about it several days a week, whether or not to write about it and how it has affected me, that is.

I've been laughing more since I started walking in the mornings. The rush of endorphins first thing in the morning has been good for me and for my family.

So, I'm curious... What do you do for stress relief?

Good Friday

Water-soluble paint

I'm not a painter. I have very little creative talent. Analytical, yes. Creative, no.

My kitchen had been painted by the previous owners. The wooden cabinets were painted with paint. Not stained to enhance the grain, but painted. I don't agree with painting wood that way, but it was their house at the time and that's what they liked. I can appreciate that. Three years ago I decided to paint over their paint. I would have like to just replace the cabinets, but it was cost prohibitive. In an effort to make the decor a bit more my taste (after 7 years), I bought a color that was different from what it was and put the baby in the backpack and painted the cabinets - right over the paint already on them. I had no idea.

I had no idea that I needed to prep the cabinets. I did wash them, but I didn't know that I needed to "rough it up" somehow to make the paint adhere to the already there paint. (I had mentioned to the hardware store guy what I was doing and he did NOT volunteer any information, which is a bit disappointing.) I painted day after day, coat over coat, sponged some of them and left others a straight coat. With the last couple cabinet doors left under the sink, I let the 2 bigger kids (6 and 3, at the time) paint. They did a great job.

Now the paint has peeled and it looks like yuck. Some of them still look nice, but the ones where food drips or where kids run into them ... well, the paint just peels right off. Sigh. I didn't know. I had NO idea that more needed to be done. I actually have no idea how to prep the surface to re-paint either.

That being said, I openly admit that I know nothing about paint. Well, almost nothing. I mean, there is this thing called water-soluble paint. They are not water-based, but clean up easily with water. So, if you are going to do a craft with the kids or do some painting indoors and want easy clean-up, this may be the paint for you. Just be sure that you are using it on something that won't be getting wet so that your project won't be ruined. Would I use this on my cabinets? No. Because food splatters, drinks spill, and the unexpected is expected to happen. I don't want the paint streaked or dissolved.

However, apparently it's cheaper than more durable paints. And apparently no one in my state's Department of Transportation audits the local municipalities' uses of paint for painting the lines in the road. You know, those lines that separate the lanes? Not only the dotted lines between lanes going the same direction, but also those of turn lanes and the single or double-yellow lines to separate the on-coming traffic. Have you ever driven on a road. in the dark. in the rain. with no lines? It is very difficult to gage where one lane ends and another begins. Especially when the drivers around you are poor at gaging the same thing and the car next to you is way too far away from the curb and that on-coming car is clearly driving down the middle of the road!

What is my point here? That my local village, which has just about no money at all right now, has roads where the lines are completely worn away. When this was brought up for discussion at a local traffic and safety commission meeting (brought up by one of the commissioners, by the way), the village representative stated that the village uses water-soluble paint because it is less expensive than the reflective paint and reflective tape that the village cannot afford. (He went on to say that the road being discussed would be resurfaced next year, so it should get reflective tape at that time, but until then it be without lines) So, what he basically said is that the lines will wash away in the rain fade because of the type of paint and safety will be compromised and nothing will be done about it at this time.

I simply could not believe that it is acceptable in any way to use water-based paint for lane designation on any road.

(I apologize for mis-use of this blog. It is supposed to be representative of the view(s) of my child(ren), while this post is clearly my own. Regardless, I had to get this off my chest.)

Watch this!

Watch the God's Chisel video by The Skit Guys first, then read. I’ll wait. I have all the time in the world. This post isn’t going anywhere.

This post isn’t about the kids. If you were looking for something funny or cute or crazy, then you will not find that here today. This is totally serious and heartfelt. It’s important to me and I’m hoping that this video (below) will be forwarded to others who struggle with human-junk in their walk with The Lord. It hits home and is very easy to understand, but hard to watch. No, it’s not gory or gross. It’s personal. That’s where it hits you – inside.

After watching this video I didn’t sleep very well. I never sleep well when I need to be praying more. God wakes me up and draws me near in the middle of the night. A time when I would rather do nothing else but sleep. It’s hard. I want to pray for sleep. I want to pray for feeling rested. But that’s not what I pray for. I use this time to pray for everyone but myself. Except after watching this video.

But after watching this video, prayed for myself. I apologized to God for not trusting Him. I like control – over my house, my kids, my life. I realized by watching this video that my most prized possessions are my kids and my husband. But they don’t really belong to me. They are merely on loan. Even though two of my three children have been dedicated in church, I considered that more of hubby and me dedicating our lives to raising our children in a Godly manner and to raise them while seeking God’s direction in our parenting. I also considered those baby dedications to be a commitment from church members to lift us up and support us in raising our children. Not so much, did I consider it giving my children up to God and trusting Him with them. I know God loves each of us more than we are capable of loving each other. I don’t doubt that one bit. But I hadn’t realized that every time I yell at one or all of my children, or ignore them because they are bickering and I am tired of listening, or invoke some method of discipline while I am still angry that I am doing that to God’s daughters. Yes, I gave birth to them, but only by the grace of God. He entrusted me with this job and I feel like have been letting him down (even though I never held Him up in the first place.)

So I prayed that God would guide me clearly through this venture. That He will give me more patience – not put me in situations that require more patience and wait for me to seek Him, but for Him to be gracious and generous with the patience He just bestows upon me so I can be a better mother and be a better influence. My children learn from me every day. I am their teacher, but I am also their mother. They are learning how to be a mom from how I treat them. I asked God to please calm the anger in me and help me teach them more love. If someone else treated my children with anything but love, I’d be very upset. I can only imagine how God must cringe at times with my parenting. Don’t get me wrong, I love my children! We do all kinds of fun things together and have a lot of joy. But I am human and I am a sinner. I have said things that are hurtful, just as any parent has. And it is hard not to when a child says mean things to you. But it’s not right to say something hurtful in return. In fact, God tells us to be content in all circumstances. Is saying something hurtful or pretending not to hear a child tell a story being content? Not really. Not at all. At least I hope I’m not content when I react that way!

I prayed a lot and asked for forgiveness for how I’ve treated God’s daughters that He has loaned me. He so generously, and apparently confidently, trusts me to raise them for Him. Now I need to trust Him to lead me through.

If you didn’t watch the video, please do. Really. And please share it with others. As believers we are not only supposed to lift each other up and worship together, we are also supposed to hold each other accountable. This video really hits the personal stuff. How did it affect you?

This song is a wonderful complement to the video skit: