Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Well, my baby is 5-1/2 months. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, wondering, waiting to see if it will hit again or if this time will be different. I won't know until it hits or until my baby is 18 months old, which is when the research indicates a woman's hormones have leveled out.
I'm so thankful that I've been well and enjoyed this time with Micah. While I hate that I have ppd in my past, and maybe future, I'm thankful that I've been able to talk about it and even relate to others going through it. God comforts us in times of trouble so that we can then comfort others with the same comfort He gave us. While I can honestly say I didn't feel like He was comforting me when I was experiencing ppd, in hindsight I see how He was with me and the people He used to help me. My husband is more than awesome and a woman in church was very encouraging. My friend, Karen's, honesty with her simple words, "I'm sorry I don't know what to say or how to help you feel better" told me she cared.
Sometimes it's the little things and sometimes it's the big things that make a difference. We simply don't know how our actions or words or body language may impact someone going through a hard time. I was going to ask for prayer that I keep having good days, but then I realized that none of us knows if tomorrow is going to be a hard day. How about we just pray for each other, being kind with our words and actions towards one another? And if you know someone is going through a rough patch, love them through it even when it's hard.
Whether exercising random acts of kindness or smiling while holding the door open for someone, you can make a difference every day. How do you plan to make a difference?
Monday, December 8, 2014
Everyone has an opinion on parenting and everyone has an opinion they are eager to share, sometimes leaving others feeling inadequate or incapable of parenting their children. Every parent, at some point, questions if they are handling a situation "the right way." Am I wrong? Are you included, here?
The pressure we face to raise Godly children who express Jesus' love to others and who are compassionate and obedient. Ah, there's that word that we all seem to emphasize so much: obedient. Do your children obey all the time? Do you want them to? Do you find a hard balance between them being obedient and having their own personality? Did I strike a nerve, just by mentioning the word obedience? Do you wonder if you had a better relationship with your children, would they be more obedient?
Parenting is hard stuff. In fact, having been a full-time college student while working full-time, climbing the corporate ladder, and planning my wedding for the day after college graduation, I would go so far as to say that parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the longest-running job I've ever had. Being in charge of other people and thinking I'm responsible for their behavior is even harder. How about you? Are you with me on this?
Enter Dr. James D. Dempsey and his book Parenting UnChained: Overcoming the Ten Deceptions that Shackle Christian Parents, published by National Center of Biblical Parenting. Now, I am sure there are more than 10 deceptions that shackle Christian parents, but this sure is a good start to guide parents through breaking those chains with which Satan grips us. We often don't even realize we've been shackled until we find ourselves struggling. After all, I'll say it again, parenting is hard. "Parenting UnChained helps you keep the most important principles of parenting in mind while avoiding Satan's traps." (page 13)
However, by breaking those chains, it doesn't have to be as hard. We have to realize we've believed lies and understand how to combat those with lies with truth. We have to look at the relationships we have that influence our parenting and realize that the only opinion that really matters is God's; the most important relationship to mimic to and with our children is our relationship with Jesus. Dempsey walks us through this process. Many chapters include activities and suggestions to introspectively examine the reader's heart, helping the us to combat the lies and overcome the deceptions we've believed so we can apply biblical truth to our marriages and parenting and grow our children with a more firm foundation of faith. Some of the areas of emphasis are re-building relationships, understanding we don't have to do it all or all by ourselves, focusing on the heart first and then obedience, modeling the attributes of God and building the character of our children, using effective discipline that evolves as our children grows, talking openly about or faith, helping our children determine their goals and direction for life, and how to overcome the challenges of life.
Initially, Dempsey gives a background of himself, in the early days of his marriage, to give the reader a glimpse of how he came to recognize the deceptions that he outlines in Parenting UnChained. Then he describes how our experiences and relationships shape us and influence our relationships with our children and how to adjust them, if necessary. He discusses how obedience flows from the parent/child relationship and the impact of discipline on obedience. As the book goes on, in chapter 14, Dempsey uses Jesus as the model and breaks down characteristics, personal skills, and general habits of Jesus for parents to model. I don't know about you, but I could read this chapter over and over again to solidify these qualities in myself. Towards the end of the book, Dempsey brings us through how parents need to adapt as their children grow older and more mature. "Consistency" is drilled into us by society, but it's another deception. As our children mature, we need to be letting go of how tightly we parent them, preparing them for the freedom of adulthood and trusting them to make choices based on the firm foundation that we have helped them form, being adaptable as our children grow and their behaviors and needs change.
Dempsey doesn't claim to be a know-it-all on the subject of Christian parenting. He includes recommendations for a few additional books that are also helpful resources for parents, but reminds us to not read so many parenting books that we become confused or lose sight of where our focus should be. I appreciate this because there may be areas of our parenting where we may need more encouragement or modification in our character development, maybe we still have some challenges from our past that negatively influence our parenting or our relationship with our children. The resources he provides can be helpful. He doesn't just leave us hanging at the end of the book,as if it were the perfect resource. Obviously, he points us to the Bible throughout Parenting UnChained.
With every chapter, I found myself thinking how helpful the information was. The biblical references and examples were so clearly influential within the context of parenting that I don't know how I missed some of it in general bible reading. (Sometimes I need things spelled out, I guess, or given clearly in a context of application.)
I think Parenting UnChained would be beneficial for any Christian parent to keep available. Reading it during the toddler years will yield some benefit and re-reading again during the grade school, junior high and then high school years would be a great refresher because sometimes we, as parents, get into a rut. This is not a book to read and pass on to someone else. Keep it and read it again in a few years. It would also be a great asset for those providing biblical family counseling for parents and for church libraries.
You can purchase it here on Amazon. It's available in paperback or on Kindle. From 12/8/14-12/12/14 you can purchase the Kindle version for 99-cents! Even if you don't have a Kindle, you can still read it through the free Kindle app for computers or devices.
For more information about Dr. James Dempsey or Parenting UnChained, visit D6Culture.com.
Disclaimer: I received Parenting UnChained for free in exchange for my honest opinion. Receiving it free did not influence my opinion of this book and I did not receive any compensation in exchange for my opinion.
This post contains affiliate links, for which I may receive a percentage of your purchase if you purchase through clicking my links.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Have you ever wondered if you're on the right track raising your kids? Should life always be easy for them? Ever know you're NOT on the right track and wonder how to stop and redirect yourself, your kids, your family?
Dr. James Dempsey understands that a Christ-following family is very prone to attack from the enemy. When parents believe satan's lies, they misguide their children, affecting the very foundation of faith that their children are forming. In his book, Parenting UnChained, Dr. Dempsey addresses 10 deceptions that shackle Christian parents and redirects parents back to God's truth.
I can't tell you how many times, before I had children and shortly after having my first, that someone told me that children don't come with an instruction manual. As early as my first birth, nurses in the hospital would tell me, "If only they came with a manual..." This is part of the lie that satan tells parents, "that they can handle life's problems in their own strength. The lie sounds like this: You're capable. You can do this. But God didn't intend for parenting to be done apart from Him. You need the wisdom found in His Word. If we look, God reveals himself in the Bible as a model for parenting." (pg. 11) See? God gave us an instruction manual and we should use it, seeking His wisdom and not trying to figure it out on our own. Proverbs 3:5 tells is to "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." "Parenting UnChained helps you keep the most important principals of parenting in mind while avoiding satan's traps." (pg. 13)
In a couple weeks I will be publishing a review of Parenting UnChained. In the meantime, don't pass up the opportunity to win some great products below.
To celebrate the release of Parenting Unchained: Overcoming the Ten Deceptions That Shackle Christian Parents, we are joining other members of the Launch Team in a wonderful giveaway filled with a Kindle Paperwhite, $25 Amazon Gift Card and several biblical parenting products! A value of more than $300! Here's what you could win:
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The Family Toolbox ($99.95 value)The Family Toolbox has 8 lessons. Each one has a 1-2 minute scene of a family living life and experiencing common challenges in their relationships. A discussion guide prompts dialogue between parents and teens and a 10-minute teaching session for parents featuring Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN gives practical tools to use right away. As your family works through the lessons, teens learn 16 Life Success Principles and parents learn valuable tools.
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Sunday, May 11, 2014
I've often said that I didn't think I wanted daughters because I knew what kind of daughter I was and I didn't want my children to be anything like I was. God knows so much better than I do. (As of this writing, I have 3 daughters and am expecting a fourth child, whom we will meet in a little over a month. My oldest, "M" is almost 14, "E" is 11, and "S" is 8.) As soon as my oldest was in my arms, I said we'd have as many as we can afford and the house will hold. (Apparently God thinks our small house can hold more!)
Many of the things that I didn't like about her as a mom are some of the things that would have made her a fantastic grandmother to my daughters. My mom would sit for hours and work on crossword puzzles or watch TV. She enjoyed sewing and knitting until carpal tunnel syndrome made them too uncomfortable to enjoy. While she didn't often read for her own pleasure, she would read to children as often as she could. She had a level of patience with children that I could only dream of having. She loved other people's children so much that I often wondered if she loved them more than her own.
My mom had a grandson she loved so very much. She loved being a grandmother and loved being involved in raising him. That was the only grandchild she had the enjoyment of knowing. She passed away just three months before my oldest was conceived. While I wish she could know my children and they could know her, I am so glad that she knew her first grandchild. She was made to be a grandma.
M loves crafts. All 3 of my girls enjoy sewing. E loves to read and snuggle and lean on the person next to her. S has abundant energy and is very imaginative with her toys. She requires a lot of patience, but she also loves to just sit with me and enjoys being read to.
If my mom were alive today, I know she would be delighted to spend hours making various crafts with M and E. She would be patient with the mess and help clean up after. She would help direct their crafts to something productive. I just know my mom would sit on the couch working crossword puzzles or watching TV with E leaning on her and snuggling up to her. I doubt my mom would ever say, "OK, that's enough. Get off of me," like I have, countless times. My mom would be calm while addressing S's energy level, giving her things to do to channel that energy, and then encourage S to come sit next to her and listen to a story when it was time to wind down. Home cooked meals were important to my mom and they're important to me. My girls love to be in the kitchen and I know my mom would spend time with them, teaching them to cook for their family.
So, while I struggle to remember some of the good times I had with my mom, just knowing how she would be with my girls helps me consider how she must have been with me, before my rough teenage years. I don't wish I were exactly like my mom, but I sure wish I were more like her in many ways.
On this Mother's Day, I hope all you mothers are enjoying your children. They are the reason you have the privilege of being celebrated today. I hope your children also appreciate you. Happy Mother's Day!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Just a few evenings ago, Child B was looking forward to playing a game on loan from the library. She had it in her hand at one moment and it was lost the next. Of course, it was due the next day, so if she didn't find it soon there would be late fees and maybe a replacement fee involved. This poor kid looked everywhere, retracing her steps several time. She even put something of similar size in her hand and retraced her steps to see if there were someplace she had been where it may have been difficult to hold on to it, like climbing up or down the bunk bed. She really put a lot of thought into how it may have been lost. After praying a number of times and fretting herself to sleep, we finally found it mid-morning the following day.
I consider it huge progress in maturity and interest in changing habits when Child B recognizes a problem with her behavior and takes action to change it. Today, she had a DVD in her hand and by the time she reached the player to insert it, she had lost the DVD. This is a regular occurrence in our house, as you can see by the game incident earlier this week. Frequently, she will blame her younger sister for moving whatever it was she lost, but this time she knew it was in her hand and no one took it from her. She still hasn't found it, but found another she wanted to watch in place of it. As she put the case away, she stated aloud, "I'm putting the DVD on top of these other movies. I heard on the radio that if you have trouble remembering where you put things, it helps to say it out loud."
Not only did she hear about a behavior and recognize that she, herself, has the same difficulty, she listened to a recommended solution and decided to try it out. In this instance, it worked. She remembered after putting the case away where she had placed the movie. If you have a child who struggles with learning how to change behavior, you know how much I feel like celebrating!
Do you or your children struggle with paying attention or remembering?
What non-medication techniques have you found to be helpful?
Monday, April 30, 2012
In the mean time, I'll share how life application works in our house.
Child A's writing assignment was to identify something she doesn't like about herself and what she could do to change it, with the detail on how she could make that change. She's a pretty self-confident young lady, so I expected this to be a bit of a challenge. She's also pretty slick about finding the easy way of completing a task. It was no surprise to me when she said she had nothing at all she'd change; she's happy with who she is.
Fast-forward a couple hours to a quick trip into the grocery store to buy 1 thing that would be a universal staple for dinner this week as we have 1 night of gymnastics and 3 softball games (read: quick, easy dinners that everyone will eat.) Not even far enough into the store to make my selection did a fight break out over the grocery cart. Child A and Child C screaming and striking at each other and me in the middle to separate them brought us right back out of the store without said staple for dinner. Lovely. Kinda puts me in a bind, right? One might think so, but this is a creative momma with creative consequences. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
On the way home, we talked about behavior. How might each child have responded differently to each other in this situation? Who is the older child and how old did she act? At almost 12, did she like her behavior and how this situation turned out? Guess who now has something to write about for her assignment?
As an added bonus, the two "fighters" can work together to come up with something we already have in the house, that everyone will eat, for dinner. If they don't, they will go without dinner and the rest of us will eat leftovers (which is also fine with me because there are still consequences being enforced for the two who interfered with dinner plans.) Creative solution.
As an added bonus, they both have to contribute their allowance to the gas used to go back to that store at a later time without them.
How do you discipline creatively and effectively?
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Congratulations! I am emailing you both momentarily. Please watch your inboxes and spam folders. Janet Joplin, you are doing an amazing thing by helping the people of Joplin, MO, recover from the devastating tornado last May. I am also contacting you about the couponing workshop.
I'm not sure when "using coupons" became shortened to "couponing" and "saving on a grocery bill" became "paying only pennies for groceries." There was a time 30 years ago or so when I remember my mom telling me about people who clipped coupons and bought in bulk, using those coupons, and they saved a lot of money and didn't pay that much. I don't think this is a new thing. Our knowledge of it has expanded through the media and reality television, but I think it's been happening for a long time.
Are you in on the action? I have a coupon binder and I read a few blogs that highlight various "hot deals" throughout the week. I save some money, but I certainly spend more on groceries than I save. I don't know a single store in my area that doubles coupons, with the exception of K-Mart, if your purchase exceeds $25. That's why I'm attending a "Super-Couponing(R)" event at West Suburban Community Church in Elmhurst, Illinois. If you're local, you may want to know about this. Here is what the flier says:
"Join Jill Cataldo at a workshop to learn how to maximize your grocery savings and purchase hundreds of dollars of groceries for just pennies.
West Suburban Community Church
825 N. Van Auken, Elmhurst, IL
You need to purchase a ticket for this event!
$5 in advance - or $10 day of the event
Sorry, childcare is not available for young children...
... however, kids in K-5th grade are welcome to join our
Kids 4 Truth Club that night at the church, free of charge!
[children attending must arrive and be registered by 6:45 pm]
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Workshop starts PROMPTLY at 7:00pm
Arrive by 6:45pm for Kids 4 Truth and Door Prizes!
Seating is limited!!
Purchase tickets at: That Coffee Shop 124 W. Park, Elmhurst -or-
West Suburban Community Church 825 W. Van Auken, Elmhurst"
Proceeds from this event will benefit the children's ministry at
West Suburban Community Church
Super-Couponing(R) is a registered trademark
of Super-Couponing, LLC and Jill Cataldo
You can attend by purchasing your ticket according to the above information.
Wait. Didn't I say something about a giveaway? Yes, I did. I've never done this before on my blog, so it's a first for me. I bought these tickets myself, so that's should be disclosure enough. No one gave them to me, there is no promotion or free anything that I received in doing this. If I have more giveaways, I will have to look further into this whole disclosure thing.
How To Enter
I am giving away 1 ticket to 2 different people (1 ticket each). To enter, leave me a comment and be sure to leave your email address for me to contact you. This contest ends on Sunday, March 18, 2012, at 12:00 noon central time. Sometime that afternoon, I will randomly draw 2 winners (1 ticket each) based on the comments using Random.org. Winners will have 24 hours to reply back to me or I will re-select winner(s).
Please do not enter if you are not local and will not be able to attend.