Mirror, mirror on the wall

I need to write this and YOU need to read this. Yes, YOU. Because if you've never been affected by this, someone you know has. Share this with them. If you don't have time to read the whole thing, please skip to the last 2 paragraphs.

A few days ago I was reading through my Facebook news feed and a friend shared a happy picture of herself holding her adorable new kittens. The smile on her face was contagious as she shared her new loveables with her Facebook friends. As I read her brief post, the words jumped off the screen, "Ignore my fat arms," and tears instantly welled in my eyes. I gasped to myself. "She thinks her arms are fat," is all I could helplessly and sadly think. I wanted to call her on the phone. I wanted to pull her near and hug her tightly.

I replied to her with the following: "I am saddened that you felt the need to comment on your arms. You are beautiful, inside and out. No need to point out something that you think is a flaw when others will see beauty. I understand that we are our own worst critic, but distorted body image is a real thing. You are beautiful no matter what your size and shape and I hope you are comfortable with it. Most people would have looked at this picture and not given your arms a second thought. Clearly, they are strong arms that are made for raising boys, maintaining a home, and carrying the load that goes with teaching a classroom full of students who are learning to carry this world forward."

I'm pretty sure you and I both know her thoughts don't stop with her arms, though. Mine didn't years ago. Most women and some men have, at one time or another, thought about their thighs, their tummy, their butt, their arms ... always too big, right? My grandmother used to tell me I needed to gain a little weight because I was too thin, but I clearly remember seeing myself in the mirror and I didn't see myself as too thin. There it is, right there, looking back at me: distorted body image. Why is it that we see ourselves as fat, no matter how we look? I'm not even comparing, saying "I was fat compared to ..." Nope. I saw a lie in the mirror.

My friend shared that hers started in high school when "some jerk boy" nick named her "AMA" short for Amazon. She was devastated!! I, too, remember the moment my image of myself changed. My mom had bought me a pair of pants that I wanted so badly. They ere too long, so I put them away for a while. Then I hit puberty. Surely those pants would fit now that I was taller (don't laugh, we all know I didn't get THAT much taller, as I'm only 5'.) I excitedly tried those pants on and couldn't even get them pulled up one leg. My legs had gotten wider! The pants were way too small. I was embarrassed, even though no one was with me, and I was mad and sad. I shoved those pants into the back corner of my closet to be forgotten about forever. Except they weren't forgotten. They were still the pants that I'd grown out of before I could wear them. Add to this the time a boy in high school asked me why my legs were so big and a girl close to our family used to call me fat just because we didn't get along. I barely weighed 100 pounds, but my thighs have always been strong and wide. These memories would haunt me for decades, just as my friend likely still hears that boy's voice in her head.

See, here's what we don't realize in our teenage brains: Some people are still growing, while some have reached their height, their bodies are still reaching maturity. Some people are taller or shorter than others. Some people are built to be more muscular and others will never have defined muscles no matter how hard they try. Some people have tighter or looser tendons and ligaments, which affect their shape. Most of these factors are genetic, like height, eye and hair color, bone size and strength, toe length, ear shape, and much more.

It didn't occur to me then that those thighs I wanted to be narrower would walk me through the streets of Chicago while in college and after. Why wait for a bus if you can get there just as fast while walking, or walk until you catch a bus or walk to the bus stop? It didn't occur to me then that those thighs would carry me up and down countless flights of stairs when I worked in the lab and ER and we didn't have time to wait for an elevator. It didn't occur to me then that those thighs would carry 4 babies, individually, to term and keep me moving and caring for my family through each pregnancy. I didn't have to build up strength or endurance; I already had it.

With each pregnancy I held on to a little weight after and I saw it. I still do. But something changed between my third and fourth pregnancies. I began to see myself as an adult woman. I'll never again have a teenage body. I'll never again wear those sizes. That's ok because this body is able to things my 11-year old body couldn't. This body can carry a 25-pound little boy on a hip for hours. This body can carry a 65-pound tween on her back. This body has produced milk to nourish and build immune systems for 4 children beyond the toddler years. This body has been able to walk miles and miles for fitness and sanity. This body can stand for hours washing dishes and cooking. This body doesn't need to be fewer pounds. With every year that goes by, my body changes. Guess what? It's done that since I was born and yours has, too. Your 10-year old body was different from your 5-year old body. Your 15-year old body was even more different. And 20? More different still. It's supposed to be that way.

I can now see myself in the mirror for who I am. I am content with my body image, my clothes being larger than they were a couple years ago.

What I really want you to hear, and lean in because I love you and care deeply about you, is this: I understand. I, too, have a memory of when I first became aware of body image. It stinks, but recognize it for what it is. A lie. Satan wants you to hang on to that lie and forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He wants you to forget that you were created in the image of God. Second, that boy or girl, who said something that introduced you to the lie, had limited experience and vocabulary based on his age and education at the time. You'd probably recently hit a growth spurt, out of your control, and that person had no idea the long-term ramifications of the comment. Chances are he or she would feel terrible today if they knew that it affected you for so long, especially if they have a daughter or a son who has a distorted sense of body image. Forgive that person and let it go. Believe what the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

I'm praying today for everyone who will read this, for that memory to fade, for God to replace it with TRUTH and His image of you, and for that comment or memory or image or whatever grips you to be insignificant to you. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4 

Walking on Eggshells

So, at the risk of being vulnerable, I'm going to be transparent and tell you all what's on my mind. Those closest to me know that I have a history of experiencing post-partum depression after having a baby. The first two times were gradual and different from the third and I've had general depression at other times in my life. After my 3rd baby, ppd hit suddenly at 5-1/2 months. I couldn't stop crying, didn't want to hold or feed my baby (though I did anyway) and wanted life to be like it was a few days before. I was thankful for that 5-1/2 months and wanted it back. I hope to soon be sharing with you, more intimately, about my walk through those dark days.

Well, my baby is 5-1/2 months. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, wondering, waiting to see if it will hit again or if this time will be different. I won't know until it hits or until my baby is 18 months old, which is when the research indicates a woman's hormones have leveled out.

I'm so thankful that I've been well and enjoyed this time with Micah. While I hate that I have ppd in my past, and maybe future, I'm thankful that I've been able to talk about it and even relate to others going through it. God comforts us in times of trouble so that we can then comfort others with the same comfort He gave us. While I can honestly say I didn't feel like He was comforting me when I was experiencing ppd, in hindsight I see how He was with me and the people He used to help me. My husband is more than awesome and a woman in church was very encouraging. My friend, Karen's, honesty with her simple words, "I'm sorry I don't know what to say or how to help you feel better" told me she cared.

Sometimes it's the little things and sometimes it's the big things that make a difference. We simply don't know how our actions or words or body language may impact someone going through a hard time. I was going to ask for prayer that I keep having good days, but then I realized that none of us knows if tomorrow is going to be a hard day. How about we just pray for each other, being kind with our words and actions towards one another? And if you know someone is going through a rough patch, love them through it even when it's hard.

Whether exercising random acts of kindness or smiling while holding the door open for someone, you can make a difference every day. How do you plan to make a difference?

A Tribute to My Mom

My mom and I were not always close. In fact, we would go from best friends to taking turns being hateful to each other. I know she remembered many of the things I said and did as a teenager because she brought them up to me from time to time and I have a hard time forgetting some of the things she said to me. Sometimes I struggle to remember the good times we had, even though I know we had good times.

I've often said that I didn't think I wanted daughters because I knew what kind of daughter I was and I didn't want my children to be anything like I was. God knows so much better than I do. (As of this writing, I have 3 daughters and am expecting a fourth child, whom we will meet in a little over a month. My oldest, "M" is almost 14, "E" is 11, and "S" is 8.) As soon as my oldest was in my arms, I said we'd have as many as we can afford and the house will hold. (Apparently God thinks our small house can hold more!)

Many of the things that I didn't like about her as a mom are some of the things that would have made her a fantastic grandmother to my daughters. My mom would sit for hours and work on crossword puzzles or watch TV. She enjoyed sewing and knitting until carpal tunnel syndrome made them too uncomfortable to enjoy. While she didn't often read for her own pleasure, she would read to children as often as she could. She had a level of patience with children that I could only dream of having. She loved other people's children so much that I often wondered if she loved them more than her own.

My mom had a grandson she loved so very much. She loved being a grandmother and loved being involved in raising him. That was the only grandchild she had the enjoyment of knowing. She passed away just three months before my oldest was conceived. While I wish she could know my children and they could know her, I am so glad that she knew her first grandchild. She was made to be a grandma.

M loves crafts. All 3 of my girls enjoy sewing. E loves to read and snuggle and lean on the person next to her. S has abundant energy and is very imaginative with her toys. She requires a lot of patience, but she also loves to just sit with me and enjoys being read to.

If my mom were alive today, I know she would be delighted to spend hours making various crafts with M and E. She would be patient with the mess and help clean up after. She would help direct their crafts to something productive. I just know my mom would sit on the couch working crossword puzzles or watching TV with E leaning on her and snuggling up to her. I doubt my mom would ever say, "OK, that's enough. Get off of me," like I have, countless times. My mom would be calm while addressing S's energy level, giving her things to do to channel that energy, and then encourage S to come sit next to her and listen to a story when it was time to wind down. Home cooked meals were important to my mom and they're important to me. My girls love to be in the kitchen and I know my mom would spend time with them, teaching them to cook for their family.

So, while I struggle to remember some of the good times I had with my mom, just knowing how she would be with my girls helps me consider how she must have been with me, before my rough teenage years. I don't wish I were exactly like my mom, but I sure wish I were more like her in many ways.

On this Mother's Day, I hope all you mothers are enjoying your children. They are the reason you have the privilege of being celebrated today. I hope your children also appreciate you. Happy Mother's Day!

Learning to Live When You're Highly Distractable

I don't know if any of my children have ADD or ADHD, but I do know that seeing a task through from start to finish doesn't happen easily for any of them and there are a number of family members who have taken medication to increase their attention spans. Child A is getting much better at it with maturity. Child B and has been learning to cope with it and her focus has improved somewhat, while Child C is oblivious to the need to pay attention to anything for any given time.

Just a few evenings ago, Child B was looking forward to playing a game on loan from the library. She had it in her hand at one moment and it was lost the next. Of course, it was due the next day, so if she didn't find it soon there would be late fees and maybe a replacement fee involved. This poor kid looked everywhere, retracing her steps several time. She even put something of similar size in her hand and retraced her steps to see if there were someplace she had been where it may have been difficult to hold on to it, like climbing up or down the bunk bed. She really put a lot of thought into how it may have been lost. After praying a number of times and fretting herself to sleep, we finally found it mid-morning the following day.

I consider it huge progress in maturity and interest in changing habits when Child B recognizes a problem with her behavior and takes action to change it. Today, she had a DVD in her hand and by the time she reached the player to insert it, she had lost the DVD. This is a regular occurrence in our house, as you can see by the game incident earlier this week. Frequently, she will blame her younger sister for moving whatever it was she lost, but this time she knew it was in her hand and no one took it from her. She still hasn't found it, but found another she wanted to watch in place of it. As she put the case away, she stated aloud, "I'm putting the DVD on top of these other movies. I heard on the radio that if you have trouble remembering where you put things, it helps to say it out loud."

Not only did she hear about a behavior and recognize that she, herself, has the same difficulty, she listened to a recommended solution and decided to try it out. In this instance, it worked. She remembered after putting the case away where she had placed the movie. If you have a child who struggles with learning how to change behavior, you know how much I feel like celebrating!

Do you or your children struggle with paying attention or remembering?
What non-medication techniques have you found to be helpful?

Creative Solutions (Discipline)

I haven't forgotten to resume my series on Sensory Processing Disorder. The next part up will be on discipline. Of course, as soon as I decide to write about something as challenging as discipline, I start being challenged in that very area. No surprise, right? Bare with me, please. It will come soon.

In the mean time, I'll share how life application works in our house.

Child A's writing assignment was to identify something she doesn't like about herself and what she could do to change it, with the detail on how she could make that change. She's a pretty self-confident young lady, so I expected this to be a bit of a challenge. She's also pretty slick about finding the easy way of completing a task. It was no surprise to me when she said she had nothing at all she'd change; she's happy with who she is.

Fast-forward a couple hours to a quick trip into the grocery store to buy 1 thing that would be a universal staple for dinner this week as we have 1 night of gymnastics and 3 softball games (read: quick, easy dinners that everyone will eat.) Not even far enough into the store to make my selection did a fight break out over the grocery cart. Child A and Child C screaming and striking at each other and me in the middle to separate them brought us right back out of the store without said staple for dinner. Lovely. Kinda puts me in a bind, right? One might think so, but this is a creative momma with creative consequences. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

On the way home, we talked about behavior. How might each child have responded differently to each other in this situation? Who is the older child and how old did she act? At almost 12, did she like her behavior and how this situation turned out? Guess who now has something to write about for her assignment?

As an added bonus, the two "fighters" can work together to come up with something we already have in the house, that everyone will eat, for dinner. If they don't, they will go without dinner and the rest of us will eat leftovers (which is also fine with me because there are still consequences being enforced for the two who interfered with dinner plans.) Creative solution.

As an added bonus, they both have to contribute their allowance to the gas used to go back to that store at a later time without them.

How do you discipline creatively and effectively?

Couponing: a verb with a giveaway

Winners announced:

tobyjilek3

dtbailey23

Congratulations! I am emailing you both momentarily. Please watch your inboxes and spam folders. Janet Joplin, you are doing an amazing thing by helping the people of Joplin, MO, recover from the devastating tornado last May. I am also contacting you about the couponing workshop.

I'm not sure when "using coupons" became shortened to "couponing" and "saving on a grocery bill" became "paying only pennies for groceries." There was a time 30 years ago or so when I remember my mom telling me about people who clipped coupons and bought in bulk, using those coupons, and they saved a lot of money and didn't pay that much. I don't think this is a new thing. Our knowledge of it has expanded through the media and reality television, but I think it's been happening for a long time.

Are you in on the action? I have a coupon binder and I read a few blogs that highlight various "hot deals" throughout the week. I save some money, but I certainly spend more on groceries than I save. I don't know a single store in my area that doubles coupons, with the exception of K-Mart, if your purchase exceeds $25. That's why I'm attending a "Super-Couponing(R)" event at West Suburban Community Church in Elmhurst, Illinois. If you're local, you may want to know about this. Here is what the flier says:

"Join Jill Cataldo at a workshop to learn how to maximize your grocery savings and purchase hundreds of dollars of groceries for just pennies.

West Suburban Community Church
825 N. Van Auken, Elmhurst, IL

You need to purchase a ticket for this event!
$5 in advance - or $10 day of the event

Sorry, childcare is not available for young children...
... however, kids in K-5th grade are welcome to join our
Kids 4 Truth Club that night at the church, free of charge!
[children attending must arrive and be registered by 6:45 pm]

Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Workshop starts PROMPTLY at 7:00pm
Arrive by 6:45pm for Kids 4 Truth and Door Prizes!

Seating is limited!!
Purchase tickets at: That Coffee Shop 124 W. Park, Elmhurst -or-
West Suburban Community Church 825 W. Van Auken, Elmhurst"

Proceeds from this event will benefit the children's ministry at
West Suburban Community Church
Super-Couponing(R) is a registered trademark
of Super-Couponing, LLC and Jill Cataldo

You can attend by purchasing your ticket according to the above information.

Giveaway
Wait. Didn't I say something about a giveaway? Yes, I did. I've never done this before on my blog, so it's a first for me. I bought these tickets myself, so that's should be disclosure enough. No one gave them to me, there is no promotion or free anything that I received in doing this. If I have more giveaways, I will have to look further into this whole disclosure thing.

How To Enter
I am giving away 1 ticket to 2 different people (1 ticket each). To enter, leave me a comment and be sure to leave your email address for me to contact you. This contest ends on Sunday, March 18, 2012, at 12:00 noon central time. Sometime that afternoon, I will randomly draw 2 winners (1 ticket each) based on the comments using Random.org. Winners will have 24 hours to reply back to me or I will re-select winner(s).

Please do not enter if you are not local and will not be able to attend.

Sensory Processing Disorder: What has helped our kids

This is the second in my Sensory Processing Disorder Series. The first post can be found here.

In the first post, I gave you a glimpse of what SPD looks - or feels - like in our family. I failed to mention that often times a person will have qualities from both the seeking and aversive lists, they are not exclusive of each other, although one list may be more prevalent than the other.

You might be reading this just to become more aware of SPD or gain a better understanding of it. You might be reading this because someone you know has SPD. If you are reading this because you or one of you children might have SPD, then you might like to know what has been helpful for other people with SPD. I honestly don't know if there is a way to "recover" from SPD or if a person just has to learn to live with it. In this post I will share with you what we've done and what has been helpful.

Please understand that the same things don't work for each person and there is much trial and error. I will do my best to remember what we've tried, what's worked, and what hasn't. Again, I am not an expert, but rather I'm a mom to three daughters, two of whom have SPD.

Being aware of what a child is doing and why they may be doing it is a key element in helping a child with SPD. Child B used to climb; in fact, she climbed before she crawled. If she could pull herself up, she'd climb. Yes, there have been times she's gotten higher that her own comfort level and needed help down. It took a while for us to notice that she climbed when she was over-whelmed or over-stimulated. If there were a lot of people in a room and she didn't have another place to go, she'd climb as high as she could. Once when she was covered in mosquito bites, she climbed to get away from the itching, although she didn't even feel the itching on her skin. Once we realized that she climbed under these circumstances, we learned to take a look around at what might be bothering her so we could address that need first. Now, as a 9-year old, she climbs for fun and enjoys it.

The basic list of what we've done, without getting into the specifics of why or what it has helped (because that would be a book) follows:

• A small plastic tub of beans for playing in (hands only, though the same could be done for feet)


• A small plastic tub of rice for playing in (hands only, though the same could be done for feet)


• Play with shaving cream or pudding or jello


• Water play in the tub and sink


• Lots of activity outside - running, climbing, swinging, hanging upside down


• We installed a chin-up bar that screws into a door frame. It's low, so we have to duck under it to go in and out of that room, but the kids use it as in gymnastics


• Gymnastics and swimming (if you have a boy, wrestling is another option)


• Doing activities in small doses, being willing to cut something short if needed (getting used to that expectation is hard, but worth it to help these kids)


• Letting the child wear what is comfortable, even when it's not what we wanted her to wear. (B wore sweats for a couple years, while C wore short skirts or no underwear under her pants. C was willing to give up sledding one winter when she wouldn't wear pants at all.) Avoid things that are "too loose" or "too tight", according to the child


• Using velcro-type shoes or crocs instead of shoes with laces, which put more pressure on the top of the foot


• Strong hugs (or light hugs)


• Rubbing the arms and legs with varying amounts of pressure


• Back and neck massages


• Ankle weights


• Weighted vest, blanket, lap pad, or heavy afghan


• Body sock, even if your child doesn't have an autism diagnosis


• Try different flavors of toothpaste and use whichever one the child tolerates


• Foamy soaps and lotions, regular lotions


• Candle or fragrance swatch to keep in the coat pocket (or your purse) for when odors are offensive - these kids can have a hyper sense of smell


• Keep ear plugs in your purse


• Line pockets with soft fabric


• Playing "pizza" (the child lies on the floor or bed and you roll them back and forth like the child is the dough. Lie the child flat on the back, press firmly on the forehead and work your way down their body (avoiding any personal places for obvious reasons), ending at the feet - like you're patting out the dough. "Spread sauce" by using a lighter touch than working with the dough, starting at the head and working your way down to the feet. Then ask which ingredients the child likes on the pizza. Add those ingredients like your just putting them on the pizza, touching them firmly each time you put an ingredient on. Then sprinkle the cheese by using wiggly fingers starting at the top of the head and working your way down to the feet. Roll the child away a bit, as if putting the pizza in the oven. Then roll the child back and pretend to eat the child. Kids love this and usually laugh their way through it.


• Carrying or pushing heavy things as a calming activity (filling and moving the laundry basket, filling the washer, and moving wet clothes to the dryer!) Moving books from one bookcase to another is another option. Pulling a wagon.


• Audio books or calm with headphones when it's OK to tune everything out and need to calm down


• Tug-of-war

External resources we've used:
Speech therapy for annunciation and feeding concerns
Occupational therapy for desensitization (where we learned much of what's on the list) and proper muscle tone (not one of our concerns, but is common in SPD)
Wilbarger Brushing Protocol (trained at OT and continued at home, even still using)
Chiropractics and neuro-retraining

I strongly encourage a parent to include the child by asking the child what is bothering them, if they even know, and working with that. I explain to the child why we are doing a particular activity so they can learn what to do when they feel a certain way and self-regulate. We are still working on getting our sensory-aversive daughter (C) through this. I think it's much easier to meet the sensory needs of a seeker than an aversive child. After all, if someone needs something, providing it meets that need. If someone can't stand something, then doing it anyway is very offensive to the child and their tolerance is very low. It takes more time, more energy, more patience, and smaller chunks of therapy.

Be sure to encourage an praise your child every time you do something therapeutic that they tolerated. Recognize their attempt if they didn't tolerate it well. It's hard work for these kids (and you) and progress can be slow. Don't give up and don't let your child give up.

One of the most important things, in my opinion, for a parent of a child with SPD is to find other parents of children with SPD. It helps to be able to exchange ideas and lend/receive support from one another. It truly is exhausting. When B was a toddler, I found some Yahoo groups of other SPD parents. Being a part of those networks was critical for me at that time. My days were very lonely and frustrating, working with my daughter and wondering if there was something wrong with her or me because life was so different than it was when A was that same age. It's important to accept this difference as your own "normal." Wanting your child to be like non-SPD kids is only going to set you and your child, both, up for failure. God made them who they are and He doesn't make mistakes. You are a strong person and He trusts you to trust Him to help your child learn to live with SPD.

Next in this series:
Sensory Processing Disorder: Discipline
Sensory Processing Disorder: Recommendations

Doing what's familiar

I love being able to witness my kids learn something new: things I would miss if they were in school outside our home, things that many parents probably don't even think about if they miss. Today that was Child C counting backwards from 50. She's been able to count to 50 for a couple years and can easily count to 100 now. It didn't seem to be much of a challenge for her to learn (unlike reading, which has been a huge challenge in which we are finally seeing some measurable progress.) Counting backwards from 10 also wasn't a remarkable moment - it came easily and she didn't have to put much thought into it all.

Today, she asked for a temporary tattoo and I was holding the washcloth on her arm. I decided to get creative (a big moment for me, to be honest) and I counted to 30 and then backwards from 30. While applying the second one, she wanted to count. She went up to 50 and then started counting backwards:
49
48
47
46
47
Me:46, 45
44
43
42
41
40
41
Me: 40, 39
38
37
36
37
38

You see where we are going with this. It was just so familiar for her to go forwards that she kept reverting back to that familiarity. She could have gone through this in a classroom, gotten it, come home, and been counting backwards from 50 without a hitch and I would have missed it. With all the chaos we have in our lives that I could do without, this is one thing that I am so glad not to miss!

Sensory Processing Disorder: What it looks - or feels - like

I know I've been lacking in blogging and I'm torn because I don't know whether to write about what I think people want to read or if I just want to share what we are living. I like to believe that this blog is about parenting, homeschooling, living with SPD/Autism/ADHD, and the trials and joys of each of those and how they inter-twine. When I get an idea about what to write, I wonder if it's more for me to think about it or for me to share. I read other people's blogs because they help me see the lighter side of some things with which I struggle, so then I wonder if what I have to share does the same for others. I really don't know if it does or not.

Tonight I though I was going to write about balance, but then I was talking with a friend about something else and I think there is more of a need to share more about Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). In this series, I'm going to give some insight into how to tell if a child might have SPD. Please understand that my only experience in this area is that I am the mother of 2 children with SPD, both on opposite ends of the disorder. I do not claim to know everything about the disorder, be an expert, nor will I tell anyone what to do about it. I will share my experience and what has worked for us. It's an exhausting road to travel. I hope and pray that sharing some of our voyage might help someone else.

It's hard for me to not let my life revolve around it. Yet, it takes up so much of my energy that my life does revolve around it. I see so many others whose lives revolve around it as well and they don't even know it. So let's talk about it.

What do I mean that many don't even know it? How could they not know? There are a lot of behavioral "issues" that are present in kids with SPD and it can be very difficult to differentiate between a behavioral problem and an unmet sensory need. Sensory kids don't tend to accept correction as easily as even strong-willed kids do. Here are some examples of what a sensory kid might do that you're trying to teach them not to do:

• A child who frequently hugs or squeezes others too tightly, even though they've been told to loosen the grip.



• A child who turns the volume on TV up very loudly.



• A child who knocks other children down or lies on top of them.



• A child who bumps into things (doorways or tables) or knocks stuff off of flat surfaces.



• A child who jumps on the bed or couch or projects off of the bed or couch onto the floor.



• A child who spins and spins (with or without getting dizzy).



• A child who leans against you or is nearly on top of you as you stand or sit together.


• A child who crams food into the mouth.

These are examples, though certainly not complete, of a sensory-seeking child who has an unmet need. Yes, all children enjoy many of these and they are normal childhood activities. However, it is when a child continues to do them in excess or without learning the correction (such as not squeezing another child too tightly, not turning the TV volume up past 4, not knocking other children down, not jumping on the furniture when told not to, etc.) that it may be time to start questioning if there is something else going on, something the child does not know how to control. There may not be a discipline problem with the child, although it may very well seem that way when the child doesn't heed to the correction.

Conversely, there are children who resist or are sensory-aversive. These children do not like various sensation and will often do anything to avoid the offensive sensation. This may look like:

• A child who doesn't like to wear socks, shoes, or a coat.



• A child who will only wear the same clothes over and over again.



• A picky-eater.



• A child who doesn't like close contact or hugs or kisses.



• A child who covers ears or frequently believes that normal sound is too loud.



• A child who turns off the light as they enter the room.



• A child who insists the seat belt is too tight.

On the surface, any parent would read the lists above and say that their child is just like this. However, it is important to know that we all have preferences about our environment. A wise friend once told me that we have very complex nervous systems and we all have things that bother us. That is so true. What makes a difference between it being bothersome and a disorder is how well a person can function throughout the day. The child who is sensory-aversive will throw more tantrums than a child who isn't, because the feeling is so offensive and bothersome.

Don't all kids throw tantrums? Absolutely.
Should the tantrums rule the child's life? Absolutely not.
Shouldn't these children be able to learn to control themselves? Absolutely.
Let's look at an example of how this impacts a person, okay?

If you were starving, and I mean you haven't eaten for 3 weeks, and someone told you that you couldn't eat the bowl of food in front of you or you'd have to sit on the time-out bench, would you have enough self-control to not eat that bowl of food? Chances are, with a physical need for food and nutrition, you'd take the chance on the discipline in order to meet your need. It's the same thing with these sensory kids. No method or amount of discipline is going to be effective if their sensory needs aren't being met. With a functioning nervous system, a person can cope with a minor (or even major) discomfort for a period of time. However, these kids are trying to deal with it all the time. Yes, all the time. Imagine, for a moment, a straight pin stuck in a seam. You notice something poking your skin and it's irritating. You re-arrange your clothing, perhaps rub or scratch where it was rubbing, trying to be discreat. Eventually, you might excuse yourself and take a closer look at what might be causing the discomfort. If you don't find it, think about how eager you are to take off that piece of clothing when you get home. Looking back over the day, were you distracted at all? Were you able to give your undivided attention to those around you? Did you fidget at all? Do you think that fidgeting was distracting to others?

Now let's take that one step further, to a child who has a sensory disorder. They might feel that way all the time, but not just in a small place where the pin was in a seam. Maybe it's every seam. Maybe it's all over their skin or under their skin. They cannot get away from it. Imagine the only relief being when they have pressure on the areas that are bothersome - so they hug another child too tightly. It feels so good to get that relief they are oblivious that they other kid is squirming, maybe even crying, to get away. The spinning gives a calming sensation as the wind hits their skin and they can feel something different. They will risk the discipline because they have a basic need that isn't being met - just like eating.

Sensory children can have a very difficult time functioning throughout the day and this often isn't recognized until a child is old enough to participate in a full-day classroom at school. These kids often do not begin having these sensory needs met until the end of first grade or later. Instead of being able to focus on the activities and materials presented in the classroom, these kids are focused on filtering our their own nervous-system distractions. They are not free to learn; they are imprisoned, in a sense, within their own bodies. Some of them will learn, through their own devices, how to cope and filter out that distraction. Some of them will not learn as well in the classroom because they are busy trying to figure out how to pay attention when they are so otherwise distracted. It's a sad place to put a child, in that position, to figure that out on their own. Some of them will have social awkwardness or be teased because of what they may do to find relief. Some may receive some therapy through school to help them and it may be limited to helping them get through the school day and not be distracting, not how to get through life. If the child is otherwise smart and developmentally on track, chances are that the child will not receive therapy through the school.

It doesn't mean you aren't doing a good job as a parent. It certainly doesn't mean something is "wrong" with your child. Would you feel that way if your child had cerebral palsy or was without a leg? No. It just means you have an extra obligation to help your child learn some things that come easier for others. And guess what... there are some things that will come easily for your child that are more difficult for others, both with and without sensory disorders.

Does having a sensory disorder excuse any poor behavior that come about while the child is trying to meet those needs? No, it doesn't. And we'll get to that.

Next in this series:
Sensory Processing Disorder: What has helped our kids
Sensory Processing Disorder: Discipline
Sensory Processing Disorder: Recommendations

Facebook versus Blogger, Round 3: 10/2010-12/2010

11/1/2010 - My kids are cracking me up this evening. Earlier, a limousine passed us and 1 said, "OOh, It could be Miley Cyrus." Another said, "Or Taylor Swift!" Then my 4-year old (C) said, "Or the 3 chipmunks! Alvin & his brothers." Just now, my 10 year old said, "Mom, it no longer hurts when I poke myself with a needle." How should I reply to that?!?

11/4/2012 - This is just the kind of things programmers enjoy doing... and waiting for someone to discover it. :-)
1. Go to Google maps
2. Go to "get directions"
3. Type "Japan" as the start location
4. Type "China" as the end location
5. Go to direction #43

Repeat the same with San Francisco, CA & Honolulu, HI. Notice direction #15.
Repeat same with Honolulu, HI & Japan. Notice direction #7.
At least the developers have a sense of humor!

11/5/2010 - I am exhausted. I wanted to send the kids home after school so I could rest. Their school *is* their home. That didn't work out so well for me today. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day and an extra hour of sleep tomorrow night!

11/6/2010 - I like to mess with my kids' dreams. They all talk in their sleep sometimes and sometimes I talk back to see where their dream takes them. Tonight, I was talking to my 4yo (C) after she fell asleep. I said, "Oh you have ice sickles on
your knees!" and her whole body shivered for about 5 seconds. Too funny.

11/8/2010 - I stopped everything in the middle of the day in order to shower my 4-year old (C), thanks to a lotion-in-the-hair incident.

11/10/2010 - Seeing a new momma dog and her puppies and discussing it: The mom is white and the puppies are black and white, what color do you think the dad is? "Purple" says my 7 year old (B).

11/12/2010 - I just told my 10-year old daughter (A), "Your mouth is polluting my ears!" Yes, I just said that.

11/15/2010 - On the way home from gymnastics tonight, my 7-year old (B) says, "I'm going home, putting on my pajamas, having dessert, and sleeping until May!" :)

11/20/2010 - The girls just flew through the house like wild animals. Hubby asked, "All right, who is dressed and ready to go outside?" Just then they ran by again, opened the door, and flew out. I'm pretty sure one was still in a summery nightgown. It's 42 degrees. And no one was wearing shoes.

11/20/2010 - ‎3 girls just came running in screaming. "Eeeeeeeeee. There are 3 spiders in the living room. THREEEEEEE SPIIIIIIIDDEEEEERRRRRRSSSSSSSS!!!!!" {Hahahahahaha}

12/1/2010 - My 4 (C) and 7 (B) year olds are talking about birthdays. 7yo: "Mom, do I have a birthday the same year as Christmas?"

Me: "Yes, you do." 7yo, curiously: "No, I have a birthday every 11 years." 4yo, competitively: "Me, too!!!" I love the simple minds of children!

12/9/2010 - My 3 daughters worked together to make lasagna tonight. It's delicious! I'm a happy momma!

12/10/2010 - Well, it was bound to happen at some point. The third (C) of my daughters cut her hair this afternoon. I'm still crying. :( I don't know how anyone gets any housework at all done while they have children. I'm ready to give up.

12/11/2010 - Hubby just asked the girls to bring him a beer from the 'fridge. They brought him a bottle of soy sauce. According to them, he *almost* took a drink.

12/13/2010 - Child A trying to help Child C with reading: "Let's pretend you're in school and we're learning our 'i-n' words." C: "Pretend I'm not coming either" and she just sits there and doesn't get up to "play."

12/17/2010 - I was stuck in an elevator at a local library this afternoon. Did you know that when there are lots of kids in the library, nobody pays any attention to the emergency alarm in the elevator?

12/23/2010 - My 4-year old (C) is dreaming of something tasty. She is chewing and smiling in her sleep. Must be from all the baking we've been doing this week. I ♥ when my kids have "sweet dreams"!

12/24/2010 - I just showed the girls where Santa is *right now*. They were so excited, but just as eager to get to bed. Have you seen how fast he delivers gifts? I'm right behind them because I don't want to be awake when he gets here either!

12/29/2010 - My local grocery store has coupons printed on the back of their receipts. My 10-year old (A) just found one that expires 3/33/11. I needed a giggle after she damaged my camera during a photography class today. Even better that it was her that made me giggle!

Lazy day with a giggle

Apparently, today is a lazy day. Two of the three girls are still in their pajamas and it's noon. That's just one of the nice things about homeschooling. I mean, how many people who work from home participate in conference calls in their pajamas? A lot. Believe me. I used to work in Corporate America and I've talked to these people.

Not being dressed is not the only indicator that it's a lazy day in my house. My 6th grader asked me, "Mom, what's 9 times 4?" I just looked at her because I know she knows the answer. I guess she thought I didn't hear her because she repeated her question. Hesitantly, I told her it was 27. Her mouth dropped open in shock and she looked like she'd just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar as she said, "Mom! It is not! That's 9 times 3." I smiled and told her that if she knows 9 times 3, then she can figure out 9 times 4." (Glimpse into my thoughts: Really. Yesterday you learned binary, but today you don't know your multiplication tables? I don't think so.) She replied back that I was really smart. Wow. I will hold onto this moment (recorded here for historical documentation) because I know there will come a time in the not too distant future when she will stuggle a bit to define herself and she may not recognize her mother's wisdom.

In not being lazy, I need to schedule two dentist appointments because B lost part of a filling and C has a toothache. For the record, it is never a good sign when your daughter brings you chunks of white from her mouth and asks if they are pieces of a filling. Ugh. At least she brought it to me. This is the daughter who suffered from nearly debilitating anxiety a few years ago about the dentist.

My laugh for the day (well, my first, hopefully there will be more) was when C came up to me and asked, "Mom, you know how I have a big head and a tiny little body?" "Uhm, no, I didn't know that. Do you think you do?"

How is your day going?

Five-second rule

Last night we picked up a $5 pizza to eat while watching a DVD series that we've been borrowing from our local library. The kids know that if they drop food in the driveway, the 5-second rule does not apply. We have too many pine trees in our yard, and with one at the edge of the driveway, no food is edible after being dropped onto a pile of pine needles. The problem with those pine needles is that they also get tracked into the house sometimes.

While watching the DVD and eating in the family room, which is also the bunny room, TV room, and computer room, Child C's pizza slid off her plate onto the floor. This was cheap pizza that is pretty solid, not the typical cheesy, greasy pizza that would make a mess, so I didn't feel the need to make her toss it in the trash and there was no mess to clean. Not that it would have mattered because before I could act, she had picked it up, blown it off, and taken a bite. I did quickly take it from her, examine it for bunny fur, and gave it back when it looked fine.

A few minutes later C whispered emphatically, "Mom, there's stuff from outside on my pizza." I whispered back to her, "What? No, there's nothing from outside on your pizza. Shhhh. Watch the show." She looked at me like I was crazy for feeding her this food and she whispered a little louder, "Yes! You know, those needles. I just ate one." Trying not to laugh, I reminded her that she did drop it on the floor and sometimes pine needles get brought in on shoes, especially when children forget to take their shoes off inside. She nodded like she understood, thought about it for a minute, then looked at me as if I had no idea what I was talking about. She very firmly pointed out, "But I blew on it!"

I suppose blowing on food should always make it edible.

A Mysterious Name on the Wall

I'm sure all kids write on the wall at some point or another. I don't remember doing it myself, but I'm sure I did. However, it always surprises me when mine do it. I just expect more from them, for them to obey and learn when I tell them to only write on paper. Maybe it's their creativity and using a different medium than paper.

Anyway, it wasn't long ago when Child C's name appeared on the cabinet under the sink in the kitchen. Black letters, not very large, but still there. How did I know who the culprit was? Her name begins with "S" and a few years ago when Child A was learning cursive, C decided to turn her "S" around backwards so she could link the letters together better; her attempt at cursive even before she had mastered printing. So there it was, her name, starting with a "2", instead of an "S". A dead-giveaway.

I asked her if she used a permanant marker, to which her reply was, "No, I used a Sharpie." Sigh. She had to scrub it off. Here's how good my kids are at scrubbing... I gave her a damp paper towel and told her to scrub until it came off. Now, I know that a damp paper towel won't take the marker off, but I wanted her to have to work for it. After about 5 minutes, she helped herself to the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser in the cabinet. At least she knows what takes off permanant marker!

Just a week ago, I found Child B's name written vertically on the door jamb in the kitchen. I don't know if she was staking her claim or what. This is the same door jamb she used to climb when she was younger. She, too, had to use a damp paper towel to scrub. She, too, asked for the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.

I'm sure your children have written on something in your house. Please share your story in the comments.

Facebook versus Blogger, Round 2: 8/2010-10/2010

8/13/2010 -- I was listening to 4-year old, Child C, talk about God being alive in her heart. "He NEVER sleeps, Mom! He's always awake in there - even at night!"

8/22/2010 -- I'm thinking of all of you whose kids are either already back in school or getting ready to go back to school.... nya-nya-nya-nya-nya. We're still enjoying summer!!! (And not sick of them being home!) :)

9/7/2010 -- There is truth in every single message in this video and it communicates them very well. Moms and Moms-to-be, this is for you! (Thanks, Karen, for sharing this on Facebook!)




9/9/2010 -- I love Praise Moves for Children!!! My 4-year old is stretching and exercising while repeating scripture. It keeps her busy while the other 2 work on handwriting, math, and language. One of these days I'm going to have to check out the videos for adults!

9/21/2010 -- I just finished helping my second grader, Child B, fill in a missing verb. I ______ a little boy. She cheerfully fills in "hit", "I hit a little boy." If you know her, then you know that she speaks the truth. She has indeed hit many little boys. {sigh}

9/30/2010 -- I just pulled my oldest baby girl's (10 & 1/4 today) last baby tooth. {sniffle} {wiping away tears}

10/5/2010 -- I was helping my 7-year old daughter, Child B, with math at the dining room table when I realized she was standing up rather than sitting. I asked her the obvious, "You'd rather stand than sit?" She replied, "I'd rather be a peacock!"

10/7/2010 -- I'm sure my kids would fail this experiment, too, but I will show this to them anyway. Too much of what we eat isn't meant to be called "food." Thanks, Chris, for sharing it on Facebook.




10/8/2010 -- My kids have discovered that sticks fit in the pencil sharpener.

10/12/2010 -- Two hours to bake 3 fozen pizzas that should take 15 minutes each. Hmmm. That doesn't seem right. Guess I'll be making a phone call to an oven repairman soon... (I'm really ready to not have any more unexpected expenses for a while - this year has been full of the unexpected.)

10/14/2010 -- During their time in the mine, one of the Chilean miners had sent up a note saying there were 34 down there, not 33, because God was with them. Makes me think of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the furnace of fire. But when King Nebuchadnezzar looked in, he saw 4, not 3, walking around unharmed in the fire. (Daniel 3)

10/22/2010 -- I had a nice conversation today with the kids. In the midst of them grumbling I asked, "What blessings would *you* count right now?" Child B came up with the first: "I'm blessed that I don't live in an orphanage!" She also came up with the second: "I'm also blessed that I don't work in a factory because kids can really get hurt in factories!" (I guess the movie Samantha has really had an impact on her.)

10/25/2010 -- Child A just asked me if Goliath was *really* a giant pickle. She's 10. Can I just say that apparently there is such a thing as TooMuchVeggieTales?!

10/28/2010 -- I went in to check on my girls at 11:30 and 2/3 of them were still awake and goofing around. Must be time to fold some laundry. They finished their load and promptly went to bed for real this time.

Facebook versus Blogger, Round 1: 6/2010-7/2010

I've mentioned that since I joined Facebook, my blog has suffered. Well, I'm recapping my Facebook statuses that pertained, or may be of interest, to my family so that others in my family who are not on Facebook can feel more connected. Many of the statuses actually apply to the blog; it's just easier to type up a one or two line comment and hit enter than to create tiny blog posts. So, if you've seen them on Facebook, you will get to enjoy them once again here. Some of them may have more background information or details than when they were put on Facebook. If you don't care to re-read them, then just skip over any blog post that has the heading "Facebook versus Blogger". :)

This round is from June and July of 2010, so keep in mind all the kids are a year and a half older now.

6/26/2010 -- I want to know: Who hid their gum on the carpet behind the plant??? My guess, a certain 4 year old sneaky little girl!

7/2/2010 -- "Dear Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, I LOVE YOU! With <5 drops of H2O on a corner and wrung out, you take ballpoint pen off the cover of a hardback book. In doing so, you spared 4-yo Child C a beating from 7-yo Child B. You are amazing. Thank you for restoring peace between my children. Oh and for the super-cleaning job! Now if you'd only begin taking the initiative to clean the rest of my home without me having to hold onto you."

7/3/2010 -- If you come visit, you might be surprised and wonder about the whole roll of toilet paper unrolled in a heap on the bathroom floor... or you might not.

7/5/2010-- All of a sudden there are bubbles floating around my family room…

7/8/2010 -- If you hear a watermelon gurgling, get it out of the house NOW! Or it might already be too late.

7/8/2010 -- First, a watermelon exploded in the kitchen. Second, 4yo S peed in front of the 'fridge (again). Let's not think about "third time's a charm" today, m'kay? Just sayin!

7/8/2010 -- "The power of unconditional love. I mean, there is no power on earth like unconditional love. And I think that if you offered that to your child, I mean, you’re 90 percent of the way home. There may be days when you don’t feel like it — it’s not uncritical love; that’s a different animal — but to know you can always come back, that is huge in life. That takes you a long, long way. And I would say that every parent out there that can extend that to their child at an early age, it’s going to make for a better human being." Warren Buffett

7/8/2010 -- Walking through the kitchen just now I found a sliced kiwi on the kid's table and my kitchen scissors on the counter - covered in kiwi. Creative. Funny thing is, the kids have only been home a few times today for a few minutes each time. When did they do this? It must have been during the lightening snack round!

7/12/2010 -- Two of the 3 kids are eating salisbury steak, the other is eating what I actually made for dinner. 4yo Child C just asked for more roastberry beef. She just cracks me up!

7/14/2010 -- kitchen floor + 1/2 gallon of lemonade + disobedient 4 year old = not a happy momma at the moment. Do you have any idea how much of the kitchen floor a 1/2 gallon of lemonade can cover? I do.

7/18/2010 -- I'm listening to my kids tell me about the time they locked 4yo in the bunny cage. I've heard this story before but always doubted it's reality. Now I'm starting to believe it. But only the basic version, not the embellishments that keep getting added: it was all day, mom and dad weren't home, mom wasn't home and dad was asleep. Those are just too unlikely. But would 7yo Child B lock 4yo Child C in the bunny cage? Yes. She would.

7/20/2010 -- I took my 3 girls to see Toy Story 3. Now the kids want all their old toys down from the attic. They don't have any room for them because the house is over-flowing with all the toys that have yet to make it up there. Great, now they'll never want to part with anything! (It's a little frustrating that's what they got out of the movie.)

DING! End of Round 1

The year of slow blogging

It's been hard for me to blog this year. No specific reason, but a lot of various reasons. This year has brought on some serious and deep thought for me and not all of it has been things that I want to share. More recently there have been a couple things that I really do want to write about. Some of the things I hope to share with you soon (not necessarily in that order):

• a HUGE development in my middle daughter, the one with Sensory Processing Disorder and likely on the autism spectrum


• baby powder


• nail polish


• a mysterious name on the wall

If you are friends with me on Facebook and can keep track of things since Facebook made their recent formatting changes, you may already know about the baby powder. That's OK. There will be some redundancy over the next several blog posts because I will be recapping all my Facebook posts for my aunt. (Hi, Aunt Charla!) This blog is one of the ways that she keeps up with the family, and since phone time is often challenging with our schedules and the kids, I'm going to re-post everything in chronological order. In my Facebook versus Blogging series, blogging will eventually win. I'm getting tired of feeling sucked in to Facebook and not really having anything productive come away from that time.

So, what have I been thinking so seriously about this year? In a nutshell, here goes...

January 19, 1997, was the day my mom was diagnosed with cancer. The date is etched in my mind and in my heart. She fought that battle for two-and-a-half years. I spent so much of my youth being angry with her for one reason or another that I struggle to find the good memories. I have some and am thankful for those.

My youngest daughter was due to be born on January 21, 2006, but made her appearance mid-day on January 19. Praise God for bringing me joy on that day! This year, January 19, 2011, the most dear, sweet, humble, and faithful woman I have ever known met her Maker and Savior face to face. There is deep sadness in that joy and I still can't write about it without crying. Every day that I think about her, I feel like I didn't know her well enough, didn't learn enough from her, and I wish I had.

We finished the best year of homeschooling yet... Last "school year" was the easiest and met with the least resistance. All the kids were mostly enthusiastic and we started summer with a plan to keep going with some things through the summer. The warm weather came and stayed and the pool beckoned us. We went. We had fun. We love summer. We didn't keep up with our plans, though. September arrived with a struggle to get started again. The hardest year before was when I had one in third-grade, one in kindergarten, and a toddler.

This year is sixth, third, and kindergarten. Let's just say I don't enjoy kindergarten or third-grade at all. I don't know why, but those years bring difficulty to me. Teaching a child to read is very hard for me. I want to just pour the information in, but that isn't how learning to read happens. A child with a short attention span and little patience doesn't make it any easier. She memorizes books the first, second, maybe third (if I'm lucky) time she sits through them, so then she's not really "reading" them - she doesn't even look at the words. Third grade brings new attitude to the table. Since this is my daughter who thinks the world is set up to make her miserable, anything I make her do that she doesn't want to do must be because I hate her. Really? At 8-years old she is starting with this attitude? Some days seem much longer than others. Now we are three months into our school year and are switching things up a bit and making some changes by combining history and literature. One of the great things about homeschooling is that if something isn't working well for any one of us, we can make those changes.

Couple these things with my scrapbooking group dissolving and my knitting group (which I joined to replace the scrapbooking night out) having various interruptions (not meeting for several weeks, or even months, at a time) and it makes for a very stressed and tired me! So, what's best for fighting stress and exhaustion? More activity, right? A neighbor and I started walking early in the mornings before the families wake up. It's been very helpful, even considering that I am a night owl and am hatching into an early bird instead. The one-hour, three-miles a day walk has been good for me, but I'd still like a relaxing evening out with a group of other moms.

A couple months ago an old acquaintance from high school committed suicide. How's that for transition from one paragraph to the next? The thing is, that's how suicide affects a person. It's sudden and there is little preparation for those who go on living. There's a bigger story here and I don't know whether or not share it on my blog. No, I don't know the details of his death and what led up to it. I just know my thoughts on it. I want to be sensitive to those who read my blog who also knew him; yet, I think it's a topic that needs to be put out there. I have a few neighbors who have had suicidal tendencies affect their lives recently. (I won't blog about them.) Obviously, though, this has been on my mind. I'm pretty sure I think about it several days a week, whether or not to write about it and how it has affected me, that is.

I've been laughing more since I started walking in the mornings. The rush of endorphins first thing in the morning has been good for me and for my family.

So, I'm curious... What do you do for stress relief?

Homeschooling as a lifestyle, not just a method of education

I was surprised today when a friend came over and she thought we should have a "school room" for our home school. She was surprised that I cook and bake with my kids in the kitchen with me and that they learn while participating.

This time of year, many homeschool bloggers are writing about what they plan for the upcoming academic year and how they have arranged their various "schooling areas". Many have been brave enough to share pictures. I have to admit, I love looking at those pictures. It's comforting to see the bins and bins of what is used every day and the bookcases and bookcases of books.

To a non-homeschooling family, it looks like stuff. Maybe even clutter. They might wonder, "Do you really use all that? Why does it have to be in your dining room?" OK, yes, I do have clutter that isn't part of our homeschooling, but that's not what this is about. This is about the shelves and shelves of books and games. Did I say games? Of course. Didn't you know that kids learn best when they are hands-on and having fun? Did you enjoy learning all those dates in history? How many do you still remember? What about the states, capitals, and abbreviations? So many adults get the abbreviations mixed up for AriZona, AlasKa, ARkansas, and ALabama. You might even ask why you need to know those abbreviations. If your child ever has a temp, job, order entry job, customer service job, or even appontment setting for a major cable company, this is important to know. Can you imagine how uneducated they will sound when they pull up an account and confirm that you live in Little Rock, Arizona, because they think AR is Arizona? Or better yet, they don't know what it stands for, so they just say the abbreviation? Yes, it happens all the time. Do you have any idea what a mess many companies' databases are because kids don't remember these when they grow up? (I do. I've cleaned up a number of them in my database days.) My point it, the more materials that are used to reinforce the information and the more fun it is, the easier it is for kids to learn. The more books that are available, the more likely a child is to pull a book off the shelf and read. So, yes, we use all of that.

We use every room in our house. {Gasp} I know. Not a single room goes unused in our 3-bedroom, 1 bath, no-basement house (with 1 bedroom converted into a family room, where we watch tv and sometimes play video games.) Our homeschool takes place in our home and outside our home. We sit around the fireplace in the living room in the winter while reading the Bible and history. We sit at the dining room table to discuss language and math and work on writing. Science experiments are conducted at the dining room table, kitchen counter, or outside. The kids sometimes sit at the 3-child desk my totally awesome husband built for them (in a weekend when I was in a back-to-school panic), especially when doing anything on the computer (and sometimes they are distracted by a bird or squirrel out the window - and I like that. That distraction gives us opportunity to pull out a book about birds in our area and read about what they eat, why they live here, how they nest... This is something that if I just pulled the book off the shelf and read it to them, they may not be interested. At this moment they were distracted by it, so it applies to an immediate interest. See how this works for us?) I won't forget to mention that I use the couch in the living room or futon in the family room while helping Child C work on reading, but we've also done this in the kitchen. Really.

This video is from December. I am NOT wearing a sweater in August! :-)

Actually, the kitchen is my favorite place for "school." How many times in school did you ask yourself or someone else, "When will I ever use this?" Reading a recipe is real-life application math and science. I can't even guess how many times I've hidden the 1-cup measuring cup and told my kids to use to 1/4 or 1/3 cup. Two-thirds of my daughters knew basic fractions before they were kindergarten age. (I should get moving because my third is that age and apparently I've been slacking!) We love to double or triple a recipe and work out those calculations in our heads! It's a game with my girls and they consider it fun. Converting ounces to cups to pints to quarts is so much more fun when using them rather than just memorizing them. This isn't the only math education they receive, but it reinforces what they are learning on paper. Why not understand why baking powder is necessary in a recipe and what it does - or doesn't do when left out? Why not learn to read from M-I-L-K and B-A-K-I-N-G S-O-D-A? Some of Child A's first words that she read were F-R-O-Z-E-N F-O-O-D-S at the grocery store. Each one of my kids is learning to cook and bake along with math, reading, and science. Learning a life skill, coupled with their education.

I'm not just shoving information into their little heads and expecting them to remember it - I'm walking them through life. One doesn't have to homeschool to do this. It's a lifestyle. I remember when Child A was very little and everyone I came across said the same thing - kids are sponges at that age. Guess what? If information is presented in a fun or interesting manner, kids of all ages are sponges. They don't outgrow that.

So whether kids are educated outside the home or inside the home, they are still always learning. What they are learning is not always valuable or useful, but they are always learning. I like that my kids learn in every room of the house and that they enjoy participating in life with me. It's a great experience and it's preparing them for life in their own homes one day.

Growing Up

If you read my February post Light at the End of the Tunnel, you may remember that 5-year old, child C, has started going through some difficulties with her sensory system. She avoids certain types of clothes and completely melts down if she has to wear them, to the point where I just don't think it's necessary to make her wear those clothes at this time.

I mean, really, have you tried to take a child to the store just so she could flail about in the middle of an aisle trying to rip her clothes off her skin? Have you tried to carry such a child, naked, out of the store? Yeah, I'm not going to either! However , in order to help her adjust gradually, we have a reward system in place to help her get used to these sensations slowly and for short periods of time. For example, if she wears a certain piece of clothing for 10 minutes then she earns a sticker, or a penny, or a few minutes with a favorite activity. This is how she adjusted to wearing winter boots. Uhm, that's also when she gave up underwear... but I digress.

She is now back to wearing underwear and skorts and tights. We also had a mini-milestone when one day she wore this:

Did I say "mini"?
Okay, that was huge.

She wore the tank top, jacket, and jeans for about 30 minutes before ditching them. However, she wore them and, yes, she did get rewarded. She has tried the jeans on a couple times on her own since then and promptly taken them back off. The jacket has become part of her regular wardrobe. Yay!

This (below) is what you would probably see her wearing on any given day, including Sunday. If not this, then replace the leotard with an Ariel one-piece swimsuit. Yes, even on Sundays. I know, but really, would we even make it to church if she pulled the grocery store scenario?

But, did you notice something about my baby girl? Uh, besides that she wrote all over herself with, apparently, non-washable marker ...



She is growing up, you know. It's funny how certain things are exciting when your oldest goes through them and then we grieve a little when our youngest goes through them. Okay, look closely so you don't miss it.

*sniffle*

Someone make sure the Tooth Fairy doesn't get distracted tonight!

Wordless Wednesday

(For the story behind this picture, you will have to visit Growing Up.)

The light at the end of the tunnel

"There is a light at the end of the tunnel." It's a note of encouragement when things are dark and difficult that things will get better - the light. Looking at the glass as half full, instead of half empty. Being positive. Looking at the bright side. Right?

There is a saying in the autism community. Perhaps you've heard it applied to other situations. There is a light at the end of the tunnel... and it's a train. Yes, I've said it. I've believed it. I've let it get me down and then I feel like I have no hope, not as a mom and not for my daughter. Then one day, God spoke to me and reminded me that He doesn't make mistakes. He knew before He made her that there would be challenges for her. That there would be challenges for us, her parents. But aren't there challenges anyway? Parenting is not easy. In fact, it is probably the hardest thing I have ever done - even without autism and sensory disorders in the mix.

Children have minds of their own. Their own opinions and preferences. Their own pet peeves. Their own attitudes. We try to form them into the people we would like them to become, but they still choose whether to be the way we encourage and influence them to be or whether to explore the foreign territory of temptation. Children learn more by example, mimicry, if you will, than by what we tell them. That's probably what makes parenting so difficult.

I got off track... Let's go back to the light at the end of the tunnel. Child B has always been a little different. In short doses, you likely wouldn't even notice. But we did. Not just in comparison to A, either. Her gross motor skills were beyond belief at a very young age. When most babies were just learning to roll over, B was climbing. She couldn't crawl yet, but she could pull herself up and climb at 5 months. I took A to the bathroom and left my 5-month old baby on a bare floor in a room with a child-size table where A left her lunch of beef-a-roni. What did I find when I came back? B was standing up, holding onto the table, and eating beef-a-roni with one hand! Yes, she was 5-months old. At 10 months, she was learning to walk, which isn't unusual for a 10-month old, but to find her standing on the sit-and-spin, spinning herself and giggling, was a bit unusual. Even more so was pulling her off the arm of the rocking chair, where she was standing and holding onto the back of the chair with one hand, and moving back and forth to make the chair rock, squealing, "Whee!" I knew she would be a handful.

It took some time to put the pieces together that she sought stimulation by swinging, spinning, balancing, etc. She would put things on her head that were heavy in order to feel the pressure. But light touch would send her through the roof. She couldn't be comforted when injured. Not through nursing, swaddling, cuddling, even from birth. She wouldn't have any part of it if she was upset or hurt. She still has a hard time with comfort - 8 years later. And some things just didn't affect her much - like when her elbow was dislocated in a spinning/swinging incident when she was 2. She simply held her wrist and whimpered a few times before falling asleep rather quickly. (I knew something wasn't right and she had it fixed within an hour.) And she avoided groups of peers during play dates, often retreating to a quiet place where she could play alone, but then later she would ask why no one was playing with her.

Now some may ask how early she received any vaccinations, and I will assure you that she was demonstrating enough "quirkiness" early enough that vaccination played no role in the challenges that B has. She did, however, have a completely natural malpositioned birth. She had significant bruising and some muscle rigidity. Did that play a role? Only God knows. And He was OK with it. He has a plan for her and has provided excellent therapeutic services to help her learn how to deal with what is difficult for her and how to interact better with others. What she has not needed any help with, and God has blessed her with, is her ability to tell it like it is. She is very literal and brings great joy to our lives with her questions and quick observations. She notices everything.

When she first became aware of communion, her eyes looked like they would pop out of her head. As the basket of bread and little cups of juice passed, she asked, almost horrified, "Is that really Jesus' skin and blood?" Later that day I explained to her how they represent exactly what she suspected and she had tears in her eyes. I remember thinking that even at the young age she was, "She gets it." She has an amazing knack for understanding things way beyond her years and asking when she doesn't. Silly books like Amelia Bedelia have helped her understand figures of speech and when something isn't literal. In fact, she uses the word "literally" quite frequently in order to let others know when she really means what she's saying.

So, what does this have to do with the light at the end of the tunnel? Well, B has made tremendous progress. We just celebrated her 8th birthday this past week. A couple years ago, when she was 6, she seemed more like a 4-year old in maturity. Now I have to remind myself that she just turned 8, she is not 9! We have stepped into the light.

Oh, but did I mention that in the past couple weeks, my just-turned-5-year old can't stand the way underwear feels? To the point where she won't wear it. She throws herself on the floor screaming, trying to rip it off. She hasn't worn pants in 2 or 3 years because she doesn't like them. She used to wear skorts, until the underwear thing started. She can't stand those now either. She might wear a skirt when we leave the house, if I put it on her and carry her out while she kicks and screams... and I make her wear something under it! She has developed what seems like a cough to an observer. However, it is chronic - every couple seconds, clearing her throat or exhaling deeply, like a sigh, every few seconds. In other words... constantly. What is going on? It's all sensory. While B was mostly a sensory seeker, it seems that C is mostly sensory-avoidant, which is a little more challenging. Think about it... if you know you need something, you seek it out and the need is met. On the other hand, if something bothers you, you will avoid it, even if it the very thing you need in order to get better. She avoids those sensations that she needs to be exposed to in order to get used to it. If you cannot relate to this, just take my word for it - it's hard, it's exhausting, and it's frustrating.

This is where I could say that the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. Yes, I have thought to myself, probably even said out loud, "Great. Another one. I thought this was behind us." I will be honest and say that I don't look forward to taking this road with another daughter because it is so hard - for her and for me. However, the light is real. And God walked with us through it the first time. He is walking with us this time. He never left us. In fact, He knew before we did that 2 of our children would have sensory disorders. I am so thankful it's only a sensory disorder and not something worse - not something that would take her from me yet or that would require expensive medicine or extensive time in the hospital. So thankful that there are known therapies to help her. And I look forward to the day that I rejoice when she shows improvements. We've had glimpses of those days when her struggles are less. I so clearly remember the tears of joy that I cried when B asked me to brush her hair for the first time. She was almost 5 years old and brushing her hair had been torture to her every day of her life to that point. I know that God will get us through this with C, just as He did with B.

And I believe that God does not make mistakes. I trust in Him that He will use these challenges in our lives to glorify Him.