Sensory Processing Disorder: What has helped our kids

This is the second in my Sensory Processing Disorder Series. The first post can be found here.

In the first post, I gave you a glimpse of what SPD looks - or feels - like in our family. I failed to mention that often times a person will have qualities from both the seeking and aversive lists, they are not exclusive of each other, although one list may be more prevalent than the other.

You might be reading this just to become more aware of SPD or gain a better understanding of it. You might be reading this because someone you know has SPD. If you are reading this because you or one of you children might have SPD, then you might like to know what has been helpful for other people with SPD. I honestly don't know if there is a way to "recover" from SPD or if a person just has to learn to live with it. In this post I will share with you what we've done and what has been helpful.

Please understand that the same things don't work for each person and there is much trial and error. I will do my best to remember what we've tried, what's worked, and what hasn't. Again, I am not an expert, but rather I'm a mom to three daughters, two of whom have SPD.

Being aware of what a child is doing and why they may be doing it is a key element in helping a child with SPD. Child B used to climb; in fact, she climbed before she crawled. If she could pull herself up, she'd climb. Yes, there have been times she's gotten higher that her own comfort level and needed help down. It took a while for us to notice that she climbed when she was over-whelmed or over-stimulated. If there were a lot of people in a room and she didn't have another place to go, she'd climb as high as she could. Once when she was covered in mosquito bites, she climbed to get away from the itching, although she didn't even feel the itching on her skin. Once we realized that she climbed under these circumstances, we learned to take a look around at what might be bothering her so we could address that need first. Now, as a 9-year old, she climbs for fun and enjoys it.

The basic list of what we've done, without getting into the specifics of why or what it has helped (because that would be a book) follows:

• A small plastic tub of beans for playing in (hands only, though the same could be done for feet)


• A small plastic tub of rice for playing in (hands only, though the same could be done for feet)


• Play with shaving cream or pudding or jello


• Water play in the tub and sink


• Lots of activity outside - running, climbing, swinging, hanging upside down


• We installed a chin-up bar that screws into a door frame. It's low, so we have to duck under it to go in and out of that room, but the kids use it as in gymnastics


• Gymnastics and swimming (if you have a boy, wrestling is another option)


• Doing activities in small doses, being willing to cut something short if needed (getting used to that expectation is hard, but worth it to help these kids)


• Letting the child wear what is comfortable, even when it's not what we wanted her to wear. (B wore sweats for a couple years, while C wore short skirts or no underwear under her pants. C was willing to give up sledding one winter when she wouldn't wear pants at all.) Avoid things that are "too loose" or "too tight", according to the child


• Using velcro-type shoes or crocs instead of shoes with laces, which put more pressure on the top of the foot


• Strong hugs (or light hugs)


• Rubbing the arms and legs with varying amounts of pressure


• Back and neck massages


• Ankle weights


• Weighted vest, blanket, lap pad, or heavy afghan


• Body sock, even if your child doesn't have an autism diagnosis


• Try different flavors of toothpaste and use whichever one the child tolerates


• Foamy soaps and lotions, regular lotions


• Candle or fragrance swatch to keep in the coat pocket (or your purse) for when odors are offensive - these kids can have a hyper sense of smell


• Keep ear plugs in your purse


• Line pockets with soft fabric


• Playing "pizza" (the child lies on the floor or bed and you roll them back and forth like the child is the dough. Lie the child flat on the back, press firmly on the forehead and work your way down their body (avoiding any personal places for obvious reasons), ending at the feet - like you're patting out the dough. "Spread sauce" by using a lighter touch than working with the dough, starting at the head and working your way down to the feet. Then ask which ingredients the child likes on the pizza. Add those ingredients like your just putting them on the pizza, touching them firmly each time you put an ingredient on. Then sprinkle the cheese by using wiggly fingers starting at the top of the head and working your way down to the feet. Roll the child away a bit, as if putting the pizza in the oven. Then roll the child back and pretend to eat the child. Kids love this and usually laugh their way through it.


• Carrying or pushing heavy things as a calming activity (filling and moving the laundry basket, filling the washer, and moving wet clothes to the dryer!) Moving books from one bookcase to another is another option. Pulling a wagon.


• Audio books or calm with headphones when it's OK to tune everything out and need to calm down


• Tug-of-war

External resources we've used:
Speech therapy for annunciation and feeding concerns
Occupational therapy for desensitization (where we learned much of what's on the list) and proper muscle tone (not one of our concerns, but is common in SPD)
Wilbarger Brushing Protocol (trained at OT and continued at home, even still using)
Chiropractics and neuro-retraining

I strongly encourage a parent to include the child by asking the child what is bothering them, if they even know, and working with that. I explain to the child why we are doing a particular activity so they can learn what to do when they feel a certain way and self-regulate. We are still working on getting our sensory-aversive daughter (C) through this. I think it's much easier to meet the sensory needs of a seeker than an aversive child. After all, if someone needs something, providing it meets that need. If someone can't stand something, then doing it anyway is very offensive to the child and their tolerance is very low. It takes more time, more energy, more patience, and smaller chunks of therapy.

Be sure to encourage an praise your child every time you do something therapeutic that they tolerated. Recognize their attempt if they didn't tolerate it well. It's hard work for these kids (and you) and progress can be slow. Don't give up and don't let your child give up.

One of the most important things, in my opinion, for a parent of a child with SPD is to find other parents of children with SPD. It helps to be able to exchange ideas and lend/receive support from one another. It truly is exhausting. When B was a toddler, I found some Yahoo groups of other SPD parents. Being a part of those networks was critical for me at that time. My days were very lonely and frustrating, working with my daughter and wondering if there was something wrong with her or me because life was so different than it was when A was that same age. It's important to accept this difference as your own "normal." Wanting your child to be like non-SPD kids is only going to set you and your child, both, up for failure. God made them who they are and He doesn't make mistakes. You are a strong person and He trusts you to trust Him to help your child learn to live with SPD.

Next in this series:
Sensory Processing Disorder: Discipline
Sensory Processing Disorder: Recommendations

Sensory Processing Disorder: What it looks - or feels - like

I know I've been lacking in blogging and I'm torn because I don't know whether to write about what I think people want to read or if I just want to share what we are living. I like to believe that this blog is about parenting, homeschooling, living with SPD/Autism/ADHD, and the trials and joys of each of those and how they inter-twine. When I get an idea about what to write, I wonder if it's more for me to think about it or for me to share. I read other people's blogs because they help me see the lighter side of some things with which I struggle, so then I wonder if what I have to share does the same for others. I really don't know if it does or not.

Tonight I though I was going to write about balance, but then I was talking with a friend about something else and I think there is more of a need to share more about Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). In this series, I'm going to give some insight into how to tell if a child might have SPD. Please understand that my only experience in this area is that I am the mother of 2 children with SPD, both on opposite ends of the disorder. I do not claim to know everything about the disorder, be an expert, nor will I tell anyone what to do about it. I will share my experience and what has worked for us. It's an exhausting road to travel. I hope and pray that sharing some of our voyage might help someone else.

It's hard for me to not let my life revolve around it. Yet, it takes up so much of my energy that my life does revolve around it. I see so many others whose lives revolve around it as well and they don't even know it. So let's talk about it.

What do I mean that many don't even know it? How could they not know? There are a lot of behavioral "issues" that are present in kids with SPD and it can be very difficult to differentiate between a behavioral problem and an unmet sensory need. Sensory kids don't tend to accept correction as easily as even strong-willed kids do. Here are some examples of what a sensory kid might do that you're trying to teach them not to do:

• A child who frequently hugs or squeezes others too tightly, even though they've been told to loosen the grip.



• A child who turns the volume on TV up very loudly.



• A child who knocks other children down or lies on top of them.



• A child who bumps into things (doorways or tables) or knocks stuff off of flat surfaces.



• A child who jumps on the bed or couch or projects off of the bed or couch onto the floor.



• A child who spins and spins (with or without getting dizzy).



• A child who leans against you or is nearly on top of you as you stand or sit together.


• A child who crams food into the mouth.

These are examples, though certainly not complete, of a sensory-seeking child who has an unmet need. Yes, all children enjoy many of these and they are normal childhood activities. However, it is when a child continues to do them in excess or without learning the correction (such as not squeezing another child too tightly, not turning the TV volume up past 4, not knocking other children down, not jumping on the furniture when told not to, etc.) that it may be time to start questioning if there is something else going on, something the child does not know how to control. There may not be a discipline problem with the child, although it may very well seem that way when the child doesn't heed to the correction.

Conversely, there are children who resist or are sensory-aversive. These children do not like various sensation and will often do anything to avoid the offensive sensation. This may look like:

• A child who doesn't like to wear socks, shoes, or a coat.



• A child who will only wear the same clothes over and over again.



• A picky-eater.



• A child who doesn't like close contact or hugs or kisses.



• A child who covers ears or frequently believes that normal sound is too loud.



• A child who turns off the light as they enter the room.



• A child who insists the seat belt is too tight.

On the surface, any parent would read the lists above and say that their child is just like this. However, it is important to know that we all have preferences about our environment. A wise friend once told me that we have very complex nervous systems and we all have things that bother us. That is so true. What makes a difference between it being bothersome and a disorder is how well a person can function throughout the day. The child who is sensory-aversive will throw more tantrums than a child who isn't, because the feeling is so offensive and bothersome.

Don't all kids throw tantrums? Absolutely.
Should the tantrums rule the child's life? Absolutely not.
Shouldn't these children be able to learn to control themselves? Absolutely.
Let's look at an example of how this impacts a person, okay?

If you were starving, and I mean you haven't eaten for 3 weeks, and someone told you that you couldn't eat the bowl of food in front of you or you'd have to sit on the time-out bench, would you have enough self-control to not eat that bowl of food? Chances are, with a physical need for food and nutrition, you'd take the chance on the discipline in order to meet your need. It's the same thing with these sensory kids. No method or amount of discipline is going to be effective if their sensory needs aren't being met. With a functioning nervous system, a person can cope with a minor (or even major) discomfort for a period of time. However, these kids are trying to deal with it all the time. Yes, all the time. Imagine, for a moment, a straight pin stuck in a seam. You notice something poking your skin and it's irritating. You re-arrange your clothing, perhaps rub or scratch where it was rubbing, trying to be discreat. Eventually, you might excuse yourself and take a closer look at what might be causing the discomfort. If you don't find it, think about how eager you are to take off that piece of clothing when you get home. Looking back over the day, were you distracted at all? Were you able to give your undivided attention to those around you? Did you fidget at all? Do you think that fidgeting was distracting to others?

Now let's take that one step further, to a child who has a sensory disorder. They might feel that way all the time, but not just in a small place where the pin was in a seam. Maybe it's every seam. Maybe it's all over their skin or under their skin. They cannot get away from it. Imagine the only relief being when they have pressure on the areas that are bothersome - so they hug another child too tightly. It feels so good to get that relief they are oblivious that they other kid is squirming, maybe even crying, to get away. The spinning gives a calming sensation as the wind hits their skin and they can feel something different. They will risk the discipline because they have a basic need that isn't being met - just like eating.

Sensory children can have a very difficult time functioning throughout the day and this often isn't recognized until a child is old enough to participate in a full-day classroom at school. These kids often do not begin having these sensory needs met until the end of first grade or later. Instead of being able to focus on the activities and materials presented in the classroom, these kids are focused on filtering our their own nervous-system distractions. They are not free to learn; they are imprisoned, in a sense, within their own bodies. Some of them will learn, through their own devices, how to cope and filter out that distraction. Some of them will not learn as well in the classroom because they are busy trying to figure out how to pay attention when they are so otherwise distracted. It's a sad place to put a child, in that position, to figure that out on their own. Some of them will have social awkwardness or be teased because of what they may do to find relief. Some may receive some therapy through school to help them and it may be limited to helping them get through the school day and not be distracting, not how to get through life. If the child is otherwise smart and developmentally on track, chances are that the child will not receive therapy through the school.

It doesn't mean you aren't doing a good job as a parent. It certainly doesn't mean something is "wrong" with your child. Would you feel that way if your child had cerebral palsy or was without a leg? No. It just means you have an extra obligation to help your child learn some things that come easier for others. And guess what... there are some things that will come easily for your child that are more difficult for others, both with and without sensory disorders.

Does having a sensory disorder excuse any poor behavior that come about while the child is trying to meet those needs? No, it doesn't. And we'll get to that.

Next in this series:
Sensory Processing Disorder: What has helped our kids
Sensory Processing Disorder: Discipline
Sensory Processing Disorder: Recommendations

The light at the end of the tunnel

"There is a light at the end of the tunnel." It's a note of encouragement when things are dark and difficult that things will get better - the light. Looking at the glass as half full, instead of half empty. Being positive. Looking at the bright side. Right?

There is a saying in the autism community. Perhaps you've heard it applied to other situations. There is a light at the end of the tunnel... and it's a train. Yes, I've said it. I've believed it. I've let it get me down and then I feel like I have no hope, not as a mom and not for my daughter. Then one day, God spoke to me and reminded me that He doesn't make mistakes. He knew before He made her that there would be challenges for her. That there would be challenges for us, her parents. But aren't there challenges anyway? Parenting is not easy. In fact, it is probably the hardest thing I have ever done - even without autism and sensory disorders in the mix.

Children have minds of their own. Their own opinions and preferences. Their own pet peeves. Their own attitudes. We try to form them into the people we would like them to become, but they still choose whether to be the way we encourage and influence them to be or whether to explore the foreign territory of temptation. Children learn more by example, mimicry, if you will, than by what we tell them. That's probably what makes parenting so difficult.

I got off track... Let's go back to the light at the end of the tunnel. Child B has always been a little different. In short doses, you likely wouldn't even notice. But we did. Not just in comparison to A, either. Her gross motor skills were beyond belief at a very young age. When most babies were just learning to roll over, B was climbing. She couldn't crawl yet, but she could pull herself up and climb at 5 months. I took A to the bathroom and left my 5-month old baby on a bare floor in a room with a child-size table where A left her lunch of beef-a-roni. What did I find when I came back? B was standing up, holding onto the table, and eating beef-a-roni with one hand! Yes, she was 5-months old. At 10 months, she was learning to walk, which isn't unusual for a 10-month old, but to find her standing on the sit-and-spin, spinning herself and giggling, was a bit unusual. Even more so was pulling her off the arm of the rocking chair, where she was standing and holding onto the back of the chair with one hand, and moving back and forth to make the chair rock, squealing, "Whee!" I knew she would be a handful.

It took some time to put the pieces together that she sought stimulation by swinging, spinning, balancing, etc. She would put things on her head that were heavy in order to feel the pressure. But light touch would send her through the roof. She couldn't be comforted when injured. Not through nursing, swaddling, cuddling, even from birth. She wouldn't have any part of it if she was upset or hurt. She still has a hard time with comfort - 8 years later. And some things just didn't affect her much - like when her elbow was dislocated in a spinning/swinging incident when she was 2. She simply held her wrist and whimpered a few times before falling asleep rather quickly. (I knew something wasn't right and she had it fixed within an hour.) And she avoided groups of peers during play dates, often retreating to a quiet place where she could play alone, but then later she would ask why no one was playing with her.

Now some may ask how early she received any vaccinations, and I will assure you that she was demonstrating enough "quirkiness" early enough that vaccination played no role in the challenges that B has. She did, however, have a completely natural malpositioned birth. She had significant bruising and some muscle rigidity. Did that play a role? Only God knows. And He was OK with it. He has a plan for her and has provided excellent therapeutic services to help her learn how to deal with what is difficult for her and how to interact better with others. What she has not needed any help with, and God has blessed her with, is her ability to tell it like it is. She is very literal and brings great joy to our lives with her questions and quick observations. She notices everything.

When she first became aware of communion, her eyes looked like they would pop out of her head. As the basket of bread and little cups of juice passed, she asked, almost horrified, "Is that really Jesus' skin and blood?" Later that day I explained to her how they represent exactly what she suspected and she had tears in her eyes. I remember thinking that even at the young age she was, "She gets it." She has an amazing knack for understanding things way beyond her years and asking when she doesn't. Silly books like Amelia Bedelia have helped her understand figures of speech and when something isn't literal. In fact, she uses the word "literally" quite frequently in order to let others know when she really means what she's saying.

So, what does this have to do with the light at the end of the tunnel? Well, B has made tremendous progress. We just celebrated her 8th birthday this past week. A couple years ago, when she was 6, she seemed more like a 4-year old in maturity. Now I have to remind myself that she just turned 8, she is not 9! We have stepped into the light.

Oh, but did I mention that in the past couple weeks, my just-turned-5-year old can't stand the way underwear feels? To the point where she won't wear it. She throws herself on the floor screaming, trying to rip it off. She hasn't worn pants in 2 or 3 years because she doesn't like them. She used to wear skorts, until the underwear thing started. She can't stand those now either. She might wear a skirt when we leave the house, if I put it on her and carry her out while she kicks and screams... and I make her wear something under it! She has developed what seems like a cough to an observer. However, it is chronic - every couple seconds, clearing her throat or exhaling deeply, like a sigh, every few seconds. In other words... constantly. What is going on? It's all sensory. While B was mostly a sensory seeker, it seems that C is mostly sensory-avoidant, which is a little more challenging. Think about it... if you know you need something, you seek it out and the need is met. On the other hand, if something bothers you, you will avoid it, even if it the very thing you need in order to get better. She avoids those sensations that she needs to be exposed to in order to get used to it. If you cannot relate to this, just take my word for it - it's hard, it's exhausting, and it's frustrating.

This is where I could say that the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. Yes, I have thought to myself, probably even said out loud, "Great. Another one. I thought this was behind us." I will be honest and say that I don't look forward to taking this road with another daughter because it is so hard - for her and for me. However, the light is real. And God walked with us through it the first time. He is walking with us this time. He never left us. In fact, He knew before we did that 2 of our children would have sensory disorders. I am so thankful it's only a sensory disorder and not something worse - not something that would take her from me yet or that would require expensive medicine or extensive time in the hospital. So thankful that there are known therapies to help her. And I look forward to the day that I rejoice when she shows improvements. We've had glimpses of those days when her struggles are less. I so clearly remember the tears of joy that I cried when B asked me to brush her hair for the first time. She was almost 5 years old and brushing her hair had been torture to her every day of her life to that point. I know that God will get us through this with C, just as He did with B.

And I believe that God does not make mistakes. I trust in Him that He will use these challenges in our lives to glorify Him.

WFMW - Laundry schedule for families with children

An IRL friend of mine posted on Facebook that her son has worn the same pair of underwear for several days because he was out of clean underwear. Hey, if you have kids, you know what she's talking about. My kids have run out of clean underwear before I've gotten to their laundry, Heck, my husband has run out of clean socks or underwear before I've gotten to it. I've even gone on laundry strike because there is always so much to do and never enough time to do it all. To top it off, I know a family whose husband called her while she was out shopping and he asked her to pick up some new underwear because it would be faster than waiting for the laundry to be done.

When you add kids into the mix, it seems like laundry multiplies exponentially. Especially when you have girls or kids with sensory disorders who change clothes 20 times a day or simply because you are busy and just not home to do it. Hey, don't get me started on laundry doing itself - all you have to do is throw it in and move onto something else until it needs to go in the dryer. Throw it in and leave the house - let it run. In case you missed it, back in February my dryer motor caught on fire. If I hadn't been home, our house would have been destroyed. I don't run the dryer when I'm not home anymore.

So, I came up with a plan and tried it out. My girls have to wash their clothes on Tuesdays and Fridays. It's just long enough in between for them to accumulate enough to not be overwhelming (1-2 loads). They share a room and a hamper, so they have to work together, but I helped with suggesting who does what. Child B takes the clothes to the laundry room and puts them in the wash. (I'll share why in just a minute.) Child A or B takes them out of the washer (top-loader) and hands them to Child C so she can throw them in the dryer, which she loves. Then they all sort, fold, and put away their own clothes. They are nearly-5, nearly-8, and 10-1/2 - all very capable of the task assigned to them.

Then I get the washer and dryer on all other days to do anything else that needs to be done. If we are out all day on a Tuesday or Friday, there are enough other days to be flexible to give the girls the next day. I don't always keep up with getting the rest of everything folded or put away, but it's much better than having piles of laundry in some state of completion for all 5 of us.

This works for me in more than one way, it gets the laundry done, but it also helps incorporate therapy into Child B's routine. She has graduated from occupation therapy for sensory processing disorder. This is a good thing, but it doesn't mean her sensory disorder is gone. Simply put, we incorporate many therapeutic activities to meet her sensory needs into her daily life so she doesn't rely on formal therapy. Using her physical strength and as many muscle groups as possible is calming for her. It's hard, but calming in various ways. Some kids may have hyper-activity, anxiety, aggression, etc., so a physical activity is calming for their nervous system by using that energy productively. Pulling, pushing, or carrying the laundry basket to the utility room helps B. She can choose which one best suits her mood. It seems like a small task, but the benefits are great for her ability to get through the day without feeling agitated. After all, how would you feel if you felt like the tag from your shirt was rubbing all over your body? That's just an example of how these kids feel, though not exactly and not for all of them.

With this system there is no arguing over who is going to do what or who did it last time and whose turn it is.

Our laundry routine works for me. To read other tips, suggestions, find easy recipes, hop on over to We Are That Family and check out Works For Me Wednesday.

Taking kids to the dentist - Part 2

Alternately titled: Why I blog and Recognizing when you need a little help - Part 2

This is part 2. If you missed Part 1, read this first.

OK, so after my call to the pediatrician, I was equipped with some names and phone numbers. Nothing should be this difficult for a child, and if it is, then it is the parent's responsibility to help the child. That's my opinion, anyway.


We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. Romans 5:3-5

I called one number and the doctor had just resigned with no notice and no forwarding information. I consider that a blessing. I called the other number and explained the anxiety around the dentist appointment and asked how would I know from who to get help and what kind of help to seek. They told me they would take care of that after an evaluation.**

Many pages of paperwork later and a few hours of interviews brought us to a behavior modification therapist, an occupational therapist, and a speech therapist. Although my children have all spoken very early and have vast vocabularies, B tends to run her words together and skips over certain letters when speaking. (It turns out, after 5 months of speech therapy, she is quite capable of speaking clearly and just a bit lazy. I don't consider it a waste of time or money and appreciated the honesty and suggestions of activities to further improve her annunciation.)

The focus of occupational therapy has been to help B adjust her sensory nervous system. Using various activities, her nervous system learns to recognize where her body is in proximity to others'. We also provide tactile input and pressure on her body so she doesn't seek that out inappropriately, and we teach her activities to calm herself down or motivate herself, and to follow directions gradually moving from specific steps one at a time to anticipating what the next step should be. These are not just done in the therapy sessions, but also incorporated into her life at home. If you have questions about this, please leave them in the comments and I will happy to share what we have learned.

The focus of behavioral modification therapy has been to teach calming techniques such as deep breathing, holding breath, tensing, or writing in order to calm down when anxious or angry. The point is to learn how to self-calm and then articulate emotions. This is easily learned by many children, but not those prone to anxiety or with sensory processing disorder.

In the midst of these therapies, the next dental cleaning approached. I anticipated this being stressful for B, yet didn't know whether to tell her about the appointment or surprise her with it. B has always been pretty well in-tune to things that help her feel comfortable, so I asked her, "You remember the last time we went to the dentist, right? You know that one of these days you will have your teeth cleaned again, right? When would you like to know about it? A couple days before, the day before, that morning, or when we get there?" She said she didn't want to know and she didn't want to go. So I didn't tell her. The day came and I sneaked around, gathering the loveys, body brush, massager, and activity books. We were about half way there when her eyes turned into saucers and she exclaimed, "No, not the dentist!" I actually thought she would try to leap from the van as I was driving, but she didn't.

Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. Philippians 4:6

We arrived at the dentist and used her brush and massager. She didn't want to be there, but didn't resist like the previous appointment. I had to carry her back to the cleaning room and they still gave her gas to calm her down and take the edge off. It worked. We made it.

Six months later brings us to a little over a month ago. B has made considerable progress using her breathing techniques, expressing herself verbally, and participating in the activities that help her. Would you believe that things like carrying laundry from one end of the house to the other and scrubbing the kitchen floor are therapeutic for her? Did I mention, helpful to me? Yeah!

So, last month I asked her the same question about when she'd want to know about her dentist appointment. She told me she'd like to know the day before. I wasn't sure that was a good idea, but decided to accommodate her. She didn't like it and asked if she had to go, could we reschedule. I assured her we weren't rescheduling and she would be fine. I reminded her of her techniques and prayed with her. I reminded her that God says, "Who of you by worrying, can add even a single hour to their life? If you can't even do that, then why worry about the rest?" I also reminded her that God takes care of the birds who aren't created in His image, but she is. Of course He will take care of her.

The day of the appointment we used the body brush before we left the house. The massager was in the bag and she carried her own loveys. All the way up there she repeated that she wasn't going in. I just told her it was OK. When the van stopped in the parking lot, she was the first one out. She walked in by herself and didn't panic in the waiting room. She walked back to the cleaning room all by herself and they didn't have to put her in a private room. She didn't need the gas. Amazing. And a real blessing. Thank you, Lord!

She has made so much progress in the last year.

Through blogging her story and bits of our lives, I hope to:

• help others learn that kids cannot always be expected to behave the same way as their same-age peers,
• help add laughter to those stressful moments, and
• let other moms of kids who have a hard time sometimes know they are not alone and there are ways to help them and ourselves.

It can be hard to ask for help, but sometimes it's the best thing to do.

** B's official diagnosis is inconclusive, although she has been diagnosed both developmentally delayed and high-functioning autism, at different times - not that she is both, but either/or. It's hard to know which it is and it's not really relevant because the therapies she receives are helpful for either one. The sensory process disorder is definitely a component either way. It's very challenging for me, but it must be even more so for her.

Taking kids to the dentist

Alternately titled: Why I blog and Recognizing when you need a little help - Part 1

I've been blogging here for a little over a year now. It started out slowly and I'm trying to blog more regularly. It's good for me and hopefully, as time goes, by, it will be good for others. Do you know why I blog?

A little over a year ago, my kids had a dental cleaning. These are things I take seriously. I'm not the best housekeeper, but I take health and hygiene very seriously. I don't know why I put such an emphasis on preventative health, but I do. But I'm not the kind of mom who runs to the doctor for any little thing. Things I don't know about, like this, yes. A low-grade fever, no. Mine have all had weak enamel and many cavities, so I think it's important to have their teeth professionally cleaned and examined. So, they had their dental cleaning and it. was. awful. Not just for me taking them, but for my middle daughter, Child B. Here's how it went:

The day before the appointment, Child A looked at the calendar. Child B had her clothes ready to get dressed. Child C was being her cheerful little self. Child A made an announcement that they all had a dentist appointment the next day. What came next took me totally by surprise. My normally sensitive yet active Child B shut down. She couldn't bring herself to get dressed. She rolled on the floor, wringing her hands, worrying about the appointment the next day. She asked if we could reschedule it. She asked if she could not go. She wondered, aloud, how she was ever going to get through it. She didn't get dressed at all that day and I don't think she ate.

The day of the appointment I was also watching the neighbor's little boy. All the kids piled into the van, loveys in arms as they always do for dentist appointments, and off we went. Half an hour to our pediatric dentist who we searched long and hard for 4 years ago after Child A's traumatic appointments with another one closer. Child B worried the whole way there. She told me she wasn't going in. A and I had an arrangement that when we got there, she would take C and the neighbor in while I helped B. B walked in just fine, but hid as soon as we walked in the lobby. After I signed the kids in, I asked if anyone needed to go to the bathroom, have a snack or a drink... Before I knew it, B had walked up to the reception desk, signed herself out and was out the door. Yes, out. the. door. Just the other side of the parking lot is a very busy set of railroad tracks. I chased after her to stop her before she reached them. I'm sure she didn't even know where she was going. Halfway across the parking lot, I wrestled her to the ground and held her tightly. She was so panicked. We made it back in the office and I had to hold on to her.

(Now, let me back up here for just a minute. B has always had a sensory disorder that causes her to not feel things the same way most of us do. For example, she seeks deep pressure on her muscles and loves to be squeezed. She can spin all day long and not get dizzy. Yes, she could pass a field sobriety test and walk a straight line after being spun to the point where most people would get vomit. In fact, I found out that 9 times in a row on the Tilt-a-whirl is my threshold, but B kept going until two more chaperons thoughts they, too, would be sick. Mosquito bites don't make her itch, but she will climb to great heights in attempt to escape her own body. So, knowing this about her, we have tools to help her. We have been using the Wilbarger Protocol Brushing Technique off and on since she was 3. It helps calm her. Now she asks for it when she's overwhelmed or over-stimulated.)

At this point, I was holding her in the lobby and got out her brush. She calmed a little bit, so I pulled out her hand-held massager that she will hold on top of her head for stimulation. We talked about how she can hold that to counteract the vibrations from the dental cleaning. It was soon time to bring her back to the cleaning room, so I went with her. A stayed with her sister and the neighbor. Once in the room, B was very uneasy so I was holding her tightly. It occurred to me, that maybe if I read to her she would calm down, so I reached for a book on the counter. Wrong. She bolted. I loosened my grip and she was gone. I chased after her, reaching her as she reached the door to the lobby. I carried her while she reached for anything that might be solid. She grabbed at mirror on the wall and it crashed down. When I got her back to the room, I was crying, she was wrestling to get away, and I sat on her to keep her there. She wiggled so much that her hair got spun around the cleaning tool. I had to keep sitting on her until she was untangled or she would have taken off with it and whatever it was connected to. The dentist decided to use nitrous oxide (with my eager permission at this point) to finish the cleaning.

When she was done, she was fine. Instant calm. The other kids did fine. I was a wreck.

I called my husband from the lobby and cried. I called the pediatrician and cried.. Why would she behave like this? What could be happening? He gave me some names and numbers to call. I cried all the way home.

I realized then that whatever road we were headed down with her, I felt very alone. I was frustrated and angry. I was tired of the judgemental looks from others who had kids who could easily be around large groups of people and not wander off or need to be in a quieter place. And then I realized that there are other moms just like me with kids just like her who feel the same way. Other parents laugh at the things their kids say and do. Other parents take it in stride. God never intended for us to do this alone. I reached out and grasped my Father who made my child in His image, and He did not make a mistake when He made her different!

It was in that moment that I accepted my daughter for who she is, realized some of her limitations, and chose to find out what to do to help her. If going to the dentist caused her that much anxiety and inability to function, then we need to find ways to teach her to get through those moments or don't put her in that situation until she can handle it. I also decided to switch to this blog, from our homeschool blog where I eluded to the dentist appointment (along with the more humorous event of her taking apart the cash register at Wal-mart), but it was too recent to think about without crying again. If there are other parents like me, with children like B, then we need not be alone. First and foremost, God will never leave us nor forsake us. Second, He is perfect and does not make mistakes; therefore, B is made within His divine plan. Third, I will blog about those crazy, stressful moments that bring me to tears and, hopefully, there will be tears of laughter, too.

That day changed our life. Really, it did. To be continued...

Come back Thursday to read about what B has accomplished in the past year, the progress she has made, and how we've made it through the next two cleanings since the one mentioned here.

Progress

Since the end of October 2008 I've been able to brush B's hair without too much trouble. She will even brush it now. Well, sometimes. She's 7. So, for five and a half years it was a daily battle. Sometimes twice a day. Her whole world would come to an end when it was time to brush her hair. She screamed in pain. Terrible pain. Just running fingers through her hair would cause red marks - like claws - down her neck to her back. This was a real, physiological response. No kidding. If you were to pinch just the ends of her hair in your fingers and ask if she felt it, she would say it hurt - and she wouldn't still be standing there just letting you pinch her hair!. It. hurt. a. lot. Can you imagine? Can you imagine being in that much pain every day?

But one evening in late October of 2008, she brought me her brush and asked me to brush her hair. I asked if she really meant it and she said yes. OK. So I did. I was very careful and tried to be gentle, as I always did. She held completely still and didn't pull away. She didn't scream. She didn't cry. But I did. By the time I was done, the tears were streaming down my face. After 5.5 years of daily pain, my little girl was not in physical pain from this. I praised God and quickly sent out a praise report on our church's prayer chain. God blessed us by relieving my little girl from this burden. Oh, she still has others - but this was one less. Yes, it was a big deal!

This is a girl who, when wearing any sort of hair accessory, will become easily agitated. So we don't put things in her hair unless she has to have her hair pulled back (like in gymnastics, when it's a low, low ponytail). She doesn't like it and it's a personal preference, one that I don't feel the need to push my desires onto her if it causes her that much discomfort. So imagine my amazement when she recently asked me to put her hair up in a "high pony."

After putting it up, I asked her to please take it out or come to me if it bothers her. Sometimes she just lets the physical discomfort fester until she can't take it any more. So we talked through it. She wore it for HOURS.

I was so proud of her. She has come a long way. It hasn't been easy living with sensory processing disorder, but she is learning to cope with it, as are the rest of us.