The light at the end of the tunnel

"There is a light at the end of the tunnel." It's a note of encouragement when things are dark and difficult that things will get better - the light. Looking at the glass as half full, instead of half empty. Being positive. Looking at the bright side. Right?

There is a saying in the autism community. Perhaps you've heard it applied to other situations. There is a light at the end of the tunnel... and it's a train. Yes, I've said it. I've believed it. I've let it get me down and then I feel like I have no hope, not as a mom and not for my daughter. Then one day, God spoke to me and reminded me that He doesn't make mistakes. He knew before He made her that there would be challenges for her. That there would be challenges for us, her parents. But aren't there challenges anyway? Parenting is not easy. In fact, it is probably the hardest thing I have ever done - even without autism and sensory disorders in the mix.

Children have minds of their own. Their own opinions and preferences. Their own pet peeves. Their own attitudes. We try to form them into the people we would like them to become, but they still choose whether to be the way we encourage and influence them to be or whether to explore the foreign territory of temptation. Children learn more by example, mimicry, if you will, than by what we tell them. That's probably what makes parenting so difficult.

I got off track... Let's go back to the light at the end of the tunnel. Child B has always been a little different. In short doses, you likely wouldn't even notice. But we did. Not just in comparison to A, either. Her gross motor skills were beyond belief at a very young age. When most babies were just learning to roll over, B was climbing. She couldn't crawl yet, but she could pull herself up and climb at 5 months. I took A to the bathroom and left my 5-month old baby on a bare floor in a room with a child-size table where A left her lunch of beef-a-roni. What did I find when I came back? B was standing up, holding onto the table, and eating beef-a-roni with one hand! Yes, she was 5-months old. At 10 months, she was learning to walk, which isn't unusual for a 10-month old, but to find her standing on the sit-and-spin, spinning herself and giggling, was a bit unusual. Even more so was pulling her off the arm of the rocking chair, where she was standing and holding onto the back of the chair with one hand, and moving back and forth to make the chair rock, squealing, "Whee!" I knew she would be a handful.

It took some time to put the pieces together that she sought stimulation by swinging, spinning, balancing, etc. She would put things on her head that were heavy in order to feel the pressure. But light touch would send her through the roof. She couldn't be comforted when injured. Not through nursing, swaddling, cuddling, even from birth. She wouldn't have any part of it if she was upset or hurt. She still has a hard time with comfort - 8 years later. And some things just didn't affect her much - like when her elbow was dislocated in a spinning/swinging incident when she was 2. She simply held her wrist and whimpered a few times before falling asleep rather quickly. (I knew something wasn't right and she had it fixed within an hour.) And she avoided groups of peers during play dates, often retreating to a quiet place where she could play alone, but then later she would ask why no one was playing with her.

Now some may ask how early she received any vaccinations, and I will assure you that she was demonstrating enough "quirkiness" early enough that vaccination played no role in the challenges that B has. She did, however, have a completely natural malpositioned birth. She had significant bruising and some muscle rigidity. Did that play a role? Only God knows. And He was OK with it. He has a plan for her and has provided excellent therapeutic services to help her learn how to deal with what is difficult for her and how to interact better with others. What she has not needed any help with, and God has blessed her with, is her ability to tell it like it is. She is very literal and brings great joy to our lives with her questions and quick observations. She notices everything.

When she first became aware of communion, her eyes looked like they would pop out of her head. As the basket of bread and little cups of juice passed, she asked, almost horrified, "Is that really Jesus' skin and blood?" Later that day I explained to her how they represent exactly what she suspected and she had tears in her eyes. I remember thinking that even at the young age she was, "She gets it." She has an amazing knack for understanding things way beyond her years and asking when she doesn't. Silly books like Amelia Bedelia have helped her understand figures of speech and when something isn't literal. In fact, she uses the word "literally" quite frequently in order to let others know when she really means what she's saying.

So, what does this have to do with the light at the end of the tunnel? Well, B has made tremendous progress. We just celebrated her 8th birthday this past week. A couple years ago, when she was 6, she seemed more like a 4-year old in maturity. Now I have to remind myself that she just turned 8, she is not 9! We have stepped into the light.

Oh, but did I mention that in the past couple weeks, my just-turned-5-year old can't stand the way underwear feels? To the point where she won't wear it. She throws herself on the floor screaming, trying to rip it off. She hasn't worn pants in 2 or 3 years because she doesn't like them. She used to wear skorts, until the underwear thing started. She can't stand those now either. She might wear a skirt when we leave the house, if I put it on her and carry her out while she kicks and screams... and I make her wear something under it! She has developed what seems like a cough to an observer. However, it is chronic - every couple seconds, clearing her throat or exhaling deeply, like a sigh, every few seconds. In other words... constantly. What is going on? It's all sensory. While B was mostly a sensory seeker, it seems that C is mostly sensory-avoidant, which is a little more challenging. Think about it... if you know you need something, you seek it out and the need is met. On the other hand, if something bothers you, you will avoid it, even if it the very thing you need in order to get better. She avoids those sensations that she needs to be exposed to in order to get used to it. If you cannot relate to this, just take my word for it - it's hard, it's exhausting, and it's frustrating.

This is where I could say that the light at the end of the tunnel is a train. Yes, I have thought to myself, probably even said out loud, "Great. Another one. I thought this was behind us." I will be honest and say that I don't look forward to taking this road with another daughter because it is so hard - for her and for me. However, the light is real. And God walked with us through it the first time. He is walking with us this time. He never left us. In fact, He knew before we did that 2 of our children would have sensory disorders. I am so thankful it's only a sensory disorder and not something worse - not something that would take her from me yet or that would require expensive medicine or extensive time in the hospital. So thankful that there are known therapies to help her. And I look forward to the day that I rejoice when she shows improvements. We've had glimpses of those days when her struggles are less. I so clearly remember the tears of joy that I cried when B asked me to brush her hair for the first time. She was almost 5 years old and brushing her hair had been torture to her every day of her life to that point. I know that God will get us through this with C, just as He did with B.

And I believe that God does not make mistakes. I trust in Him that He will use these challenges in our lives to glorify Him.

A birthday blog post

Wednesday was my baby's birthday. She's 5 now. She'll always be my baby, though. I wanted the day to be all about her. We worked up to it slowly...

She wanted a multi-colored cake. This is her cake from last year:

I just didn't have it in me to bake so many thin cakes this year (I think it was only 2 boxes split into 3 cakes each and wasn't hard, just time consuming.) So this year, I used Dawn's tutorial for candy clay flowers. It was so easy and all the kids made some. They had a great time making them in 3 different sizes. Here is the big one that Child A made:
So all 3 girls made a dual-colored cake, with green frosting, flowers, and snails. Yes, snails. I don't know why and I didn't question it, m'kay?

She loved the cake. It was a great day with lots of singing and excitement between the sisters.

She asked for a real dinosaur that would eat her sisters and then would spit them out when she wanted it to. She didn't get one. She was quite happy with her gifts anyway. She has been wanting something her sisters have and we found one used that was a reasonable price, so that was her gift. It was a very exciting moment when she opened the box and the excitement carried through the rest of the day!

Grandpa made a quick stop by to say Happy Birthday and the day was complete.

There were some sad elements of the day that I'll save for another blog entry so as not to steal the joy from C's birthday. It was a great day for her and our family enjoyed it and that's what was important for her birthday!

I still can't believe my baby is five!!!

Random

I haven't been organized enough lately to put together a blog post about anything specific. So, I will share some random tidbits with you. You're welcome.

This evening, Children A and B were having a discussion in the van. I was sort of tuning them out and wasn't paying any attention, but A's comment brought me a laugh, "No, I think the dance you are thinking of is called The Mango."

This week we are celebrating my baby's birthday. She'll be 5. Over the weekend she shared that she wants a real dinosaur for her birthday; one that will eat her sisters and then spit them out again when she wants it to. Today she reminded me, "Remember, Mom? You're getting me a dinosaur. Remember?"

I can't believe she will be 5. She has 2 loose teeth already. She's Child C and she is stubborn and funny and loving and stubborn. She won't wear clothes most of the time. Well, not "real" clothes. It's been 20 degrees lately and she wears a swimming suit with footless tights or a leotard with footless tights, or a tank top, short skirt, and footless tights. And open-toed shoes. She lost those shoes at church last week. We looked all over for them and couldn't find them anywhere. She had to leave barefoot. Hubby carried her. We found them this weekend.

Did I mention she cut her hair in December? All the way around. She followed the natural hair line, so at least it wasn't super short. But it's shorter than it was.



See the dresser behind her? There are 2 of them right next to each other. Yeah, she pulled both over just a couple days after I read about a fellow blogger whose son died when a dresser fell on top of him. It freaked me out. Child C is getting more supervision now days. (Warning: That link shares the details of what happened to Dana's son. When I say my daughter needs more supervision, I am not at all saying that Dana wasn't providing adequate supervision. Just that my daughter cutting her hair and then pulling the dressers over indicate to me that she needs more supervision. What happened in Dana's house could have happened in any one of our houses and is just a tragedy.)

Child B has been out of occupational therapy now for 7 months and is doing well. She still has bad sensory days now and then, but she was able to tolerate a dental cleaning and cavity filling without her sensory tools. (I still brushed her in the waiting room, but I had left a few other tools at home by mistake.) She handled it very calmly and did not panic, which is HUGE. I am so proud of her with all the progress she has made! She decided she would like to play softball like Child A, so we will have a full schedule this spring.

That's it for now. I'm sure I'll have more random later.

WFMW - Laundry schedule for families with children

An IRL friend of mine posted on Facebook that her son has worn the same pair of underwear for several days because he was out of clean underwear. Hey, if you have kids, you know what she's talking about. My kids have run out of clean underwear before I've gotten to their laundry, Heck, my husband has run out of clean socks or underwear before I've gotten to it. I've even gone on laundry strike because there is always so much to do and never enough time to do it all. To top it off, I know a family whose husband called her while she was out shopping and he asked her to pick up some new underwear because it would be faster than waiting for the laundry to be done.

When you add kids into the mix, it seems like laundry multiplies exponentially. Especially when you have girls or kids with sensory disorders who change clothes 20 times a day or simply because you are busy and just not home to do it. Hey, don't get me started on laundry doing itself - all you have to do is throw it in and move onto something else until it needs to go in the dryer. Throw it in and leave the house - let it run. In case you missed it, back in February my dryer motor caught on fire. If I hadn't been home, our house would have been destroyed. I don't run the dryer when I'm not home anymore.

So, I came up with a plan and tried it out. My girls have to wash their clothes on Tuesdays and Fridays. It's just long enough in between for them to accumulate enough to not be overwhelming (1-2 loads). They share a room and a hamper, so they have to work together, but I helped with suggesting who does what. Child B takes the clothes to the laundry room and puts them in the wash. (I'll share why in just a minute.) Child A or B takes them out of the washer (top-loader) and hands them to Child C so she can throw them in the dryer, which she loves. Then they all sort, fold, and put away their own clothes. They are nearly-5, nearly-8, and 10-1/2 - all very capable of the task assigned to them.

Then I get the washer and dryer on all other days to do anything else that needs to be done. If we are out all day on a Tuesday or Friday, there are enough other days to be flexible to give the girls the next day. I don't always keep up with getting the rest of everything folded or put away, but it's much better than having piles of laundry in some state of completion for all 5 of us.

This works for me in more than one way, it gets the laundry done, but it also helps incorporate therapy into Child B's routine. She has graduated from occupation therapy for sensory processing disorder. This is a good thing, but it doesn't mean her sensory disorder is gone. Simply put, we incorporate many therapeutic activities to meet her sensory needs into her daily life so she doesn't rely on formal therapy. Using her physical strength and as many muscle groups as possible is calming for her. It's hard, but calming in various ways. Some kids may have hyper-activity, anxiety, aggression, etc., so a physical activity is calming for their nervous system by using that energy productively. Pulling, pushing, or carrying the laundry basket to the utility room helps B. She can choose which one best suits her mood. It seems like a small task, but the benefits are great for her ability to get through the day without feeling agitated. After all, how would you feel if you felt like the tag from your shirt was rubbing all over your body? That's just an example of how these kids feel, though not exactly and not for all of them.

With this system there is no arguing over who is going to do what or who did it last time and whose turn it is.

Our laundry routine works for me. To read other tips, suggestions, find easy recipes, hop on over to We Are That Family and check out Works For Me Wednesday.

Stuck

I blogged so much in November that I think I blogged myself out. Not really. But this month has been so busy, trying to get Christmas shopping done without the recipients catching on to what they may be receiving, baking turkeys to freeze for winter dinners, baking cookies for gifts... Pushing the girls to get their school work done so we can have a winter break. Time seems to go so quickly and some things just fall to the side sometimes. This time is was blogging.

But something happened today that I'm laughing about now. I wasn't a few hours ago. It was all I could do to hold back my tears. It wasn't awful, just one of those things that happens and I'd like to share it with you.

Have you ever gotten into an elevator and your kids all dive for the buttons at once? Has anyone ever accidently pushed the emergency alarm button? Yeah, I know how that is. We've gotten a system worked out now so each kid knows before we get in who is going to push the button. But I remember those days when my girls were still learning their numbers and would hit the wrong button. There is just something about that red button that draws their finger to it, isn't there? Yet, everyone outside the elevator must figure that it's just a kid pushing the button. After all, how many times have you gotten off an elevator and had somebody standing there attempting a rescue operation because the alarm went off? It's never happened that way for me. Nope. No one ever figures the alarm is going off because the elevator is stuck. Especially when there are children present.

Not even today.

When it was really stuck.

With my 3 girls and me in it.

We were at a library where my kids participate in a writing program taught by a couple of local children's authors. After their classes were over, we had a few errands that I had hoped to finish before the kids reached their threshhold of cooperation. Child C was disgruntled with Child B about something and some punching had started. It was definitely time to head out.

We got on the elevator, "1" was pushed to take us up from the lower level, and the doors closed. I took advantage of this private time in the elevator to remind the girls that hitting it not ever OK towards each other. Not ever. If I remember right, I went on about "What made you think it was OK this time?" and "Why would you hit her back when you know hitting is not OK?" Then I stopped. I realized that we should be getting off the elevator by now, why aren't we? We were not moving. "1" was still illuminated. So I pressed the door open button and nothing happened. I jumped up and down to see if I could make it move. Yeah, right, I know. But it was that or panic.

I pushed every button there was and nothing changed the situation. I rang the alarm bell. I rang it again. I held it in and let it ring. Nothing. What did I expect? Someone to yell at the elevator and ask if we were OK? Yes, I did expect that, but it didn't happen. My 4-year old, C, started to cry.

That's when it hit me, no one pays attention to the elevator alarm because kids push it all the time!

The pressure of tears was getting stronger and I knew if I lost it, I'd have 3 panicked kids. I realized I was starting to get hot, so I told everyone to take their coats off so we wouldn't overheat. As my coat dropped to the floor, I saw the little door. You know, the one with the emergency phone. I pulled it open and pushed the button. This is not something I've ever given much thought to and I just assumed it called the front desk. No, it calls 911. I told them where I was and that I was stuck in the elevator with my 3 children. I waited, but heard nothing. Not a confirmation, not an assurance that help was on the way. Nothing. I said, "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?" Still nothing. I had no idea what was going to happen or how long we'd be there, but in my mind I was thinking, "The library is going to close and we will still be in the elevator." (The library wasn't scheduled to close for another 5 hours or so, but this is where my mind went.)

Then the door opened.

I remember saying to the girls, "We will never take the elevator here again. There are perfectly good stairs right over there!" Then I looked ahead of me and saw the ladies at the circulation desk just staring at me. As I choked back tears, I told them, "Yes, we were stuck in the elevator. The police are probably going to show up in a few minutes. Have a good day."

As we pulled out onto the main road, the first police car pulled in, so I circled the block and returned to find the fire chief and another police car. They took some information from me and we left again. It wasn't until I was almost home, half an hour later, that I started to wonder: How would one know that someone didn't just accidentally push the alarm button? What are the procedures in businesses for this? It just makes me wonder.

I wonder how my kids will react next time we have to get on an elevator. There was a time when B was afraid of revolving doors. But that's a post for another day.

Have you ever been stuck somewhere?

Counting my blessings: 30

People who are bold in their faith in Jesus

Words simply cannot express how thankful I am to have experienced first hand the love of people who are eager to share Jesus' love. I'm not talking about people who will preach to you what they believe or why you should believe it too. I'm talking about people who will lovingly share what they believe, accept that you believe differently, but you can see the combined passion and sadness in their eyes - passion for what they know in their heart and sadness that you don't realize it yourself. The "you" I speak of is really me in high school.

I have several decades-long friendships with people who accepted me for who I was and didn't judge me for being different - and wanting to be different. Some of them may have shared Jesus with me here and there or asked me why I believed differently. I'm sure they all played a role in God's plan for me to know Jesus and have a relationship with Him. God works that way, orchestrating position and conversation to work on some one's heart. But there is one person in particular who was bold to share God's Word consistently and yet never express judgement on me. She told me a couple times that she was disappointed in decisions I had made and shared her different opinions, but she did so lovingly. She invited me to church sometimes, yet didn't preach to me. She shared the love of Jesus in her words and in her actions.

One day this friend gave me a cassette tape with a song on it. The song has played in my head for over 20 years. It told me how badly she wanted Jesus in my heart. Every birthday for years, the birthday card from her contained one simple scripture verse. Not the same verse every year. It was just enough for me to know that she wanted Jesus in my heart. She never gave up hope that one day I would ask Jesus into my heart. She didn't know that I did when I was much younger, I just didn't really know what that meant or what to do with it. It wouldn't be for several more years that I would realize how to let Jesus in and make Him Lord of my life. But I did over a decade ago. I am so thankful that my salvation and eternity were important to her. She blogs at Our Ordinary Life and the song she shared with me is this one:



I've met so many more people since then who are also bold in their faith and I have become bold as well. I pray that I am also loving in how I share it, for the way my friend shared it with me couldn't have been more loving. She has taught me so much over the years and she helped me realize the blessing of knowing people who are bold in their faith in Jesus.

This same friend is also participating in the Counting My Blessings series hosted by Branch of Wisdom. She inspired me to participate as well. Do you know your blessings? Would you like to share them or read the blessings of others? If so, stop by Branch of Wisdom.

Counting my blessings: 29

Good Cleaning Products

Is it shallow that I consider good cleaning products a blessing? I hope not. I like to not be wasteful and some things, if they are not cleaned well, just shouldn't be used again. I think cleaning products are something we often take for granted, don't you?

I found a great cleaning product. Now, let me back up and be honest. I have no relationship at this time - or ever in my past - with the company that manufactures and distributes this product. I am in no way affiliated with this company. I gain nothing from sharing this experience with you - other than, perhaps, helping you discover a great cleaning product as well

Basic H2 from Shaklee is the best stain remover I have ever used. It is super concentrated, so 3 different products can be made from it - and they last A LONG time. It may cost more upfront, but it will be the only grease cleaner, glass cleaner, and all-purpose cleaner you need. I also use the grease cleaner (sometimes the all-purpose cleaner) as a stain fighter in our laundry. It removed a two-year old chocolate stain from a child's sweater. I don't have pictures of that.

However, I do have pictures of this:

That is my prom dress from my Senior Prom. I wore it again to a company dance in college and went to a bar after. I have no idea what spilled on the dress back in about 1992. I recently came across the dress and figured it was ruined. I hadn't had it cleaned and these stains have been there for 18 years!

Figuring that if the dress were ruined, I couldn't do any more damage to it by trying something. I pulled out my Basic H2 All-Purpose cleaner and sprayed it onto a paper towel. Then I dabbed at each spot. Here is what it looks like now:


Can you believe it? Here's another shot so the shadows are different:

Did I mention it's an all-natural "green" product? You can even use it to wash your vegetables. Non-toxic. Yes, it's a blessing to me to have such a product in my cabinet!

Be sure to stop by Branch of Wisdom for more Counting My Blessings.